But this morning, there was an added element. I woke up and wasn't doing well emotionally. I felt this nebulous anxiety coupled with just being overwhelmed with life. Ugh.
Regardless, I pressed into my time with God desiring to just worship Him. About half an hour later, I could sense there was something not right. And so I began to write in my journal just telling God how I was feeling. And then I asked God this question: "Do you have something You want to say to me?" Now, I've never had God speak to me in an audible voice, but He does "speak" to me...often. This time His words were clear and gentle and quite beautiful. I heard Him say that He wanted to take me under His wings and care for ME today. I was to set aside all those people and situations I felt I NEEDED TO CARE FOR -- and leave them with Him. I just loved hearing that, because it was just one of those days, where I needed someone to take care of me. Have you ever felt like that? Just wishing someone would take care of "your world" for awhile. But I'm 44 years old...I'm a grown woman....I think I'm pretty much fresh out of luck for that one.
Unless of course...God offers. My "plans" for the day changed, because my Creator wanted to take care of me!!! The more I let this sink in, the more wild and amazing it was. I had a few moments where I could literally feel the tension ease.
"Hide me in the shadow of Your wings." Psalm 17:8 This was just one of several verses I chose to meditate on. As I began going over the words, I was taken back to my younger days of playing Hide and Seek. Remember? If you were part of the group hiding, the goal was always to find the best possible hiding place. And if you found a really good one, well, you stayed there!
I knew I had the absolute best hiding place.
I would love to tell you that I stayed there all day...that it was peaceful and restful and safe. But it wasn't quite like that. Too often I would find my mind wandering to the work that awaited me, or the person for whom I should be praying. Thankfully, this was not like the childhood "Hide and Seek" game. It's not a game to God. It's who He is...my Hiding Place, and He will always welcome me back, no matter how many times my control issues pull me away.
I wanted so desperately to experience peace, to come away feeling rested. But that didn't happen for me either. The emotions I woke up with stayed with me. But I read incredible truths from scripture and developed new pictures of who God longs to be for me. The day did not turn out as I had planned, but something tells me it was exactly as God had planned. He sat with me through a hard day, speaking quiet words to my soul.
"God...thankyou for welcoming me into Your hiding place today. I needed to be there."
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