Rest--Word for 2019

How does one turn the calendar page to a new year when the hard of life is already a glaring reality?
It's the question I have been asking myself over and over as the new year approaches.  My answers vary depending on the moment--

Run away------fast and as far as I can go.

Live one day at a time...one moment at a time.

Just try and survive what lies ahead.

Enlarge my trust in a God who's got this.

Reframe my small world to an eternal big picture perspective.

Rest.

I was so ready for rest as November drew to a close.  Emotionally I was spent.  Places in me were jaded in ways which continue to reveal themselves.  I truly believed I needed a "compassionate leave" and was just as convinced that God was calling me to this.  It didn't cross my mind that there could be an arsenal of hard just around the corner.  Who "anticipates" the arrival of more pain!!

But it's here and I can't run away...I choose not to drop the baton leaving my siblings to carry it.  And during those times when I have some strength I desire to do more than just survive.  Enlarging my trust, reframing my world, taking each day as it comes; all of these have become disciplines I am giving my time and energy towards.

And Rest , well, it's the umbrella under which everything else lies.

It's time for my word or phrase for the year 2019.  I have had a number of possibilities move through my mind--

Trust without limits  (My 2018 word was "trust" and I have still so far to grow in this)

Hold all things loosely

Live open-handed

Rest.

It was my girl who suggested Rest.  Part of it seems preposterous with what looms up ahead and yet God had so clearly called me to rest late November.  When life turned upside down on December 5 I felt this incredulous question rise in my spirit--"How am I supposed to rest NOW?"  His response--

" I call you to rest"

and

"I am your Rest"

And so here I am on the eve of a new year with more hard and struggle than I can imagine, but knowing that unless I learn how to deeply rest in Him, I will crumble under the weight.  I need to tangibly adopt ways to rest my body and am already seeking these out.  Further, if I learn to live in His Rest, I will trust without limits and hold things more loosely and live open-handed.  Psalm 91 which I am still slowly memorizing keeps leading me to His rest--

"This I declare about the LORD;

He alone is my refuge, my place of safety.

He is my God and I trust Him."

Psalm 91:2

This is so how I want to live. 

 It's the beat with which I want my heart to rhythm.   

It's where I want to run and hide and the place I want to learn how to do more than just survive. 

 He's the One I want to trust without limits.  

It's His sovereign wisdom I pledge to believe,

who is able to orchestrate my small world into a far greater, eternal symphony.

It's in His Rest I hope to live open-handed.

Amen...so be it my Lord Jesus Christ.

Worship is Warfare

These past weeks I am being drawn to worship. 

It's where I find the calm in the midst of this storm.

Speaker Heidi Fleming reminds me of this strong armor available to me--

"Arms raised in worship is my victory stance"

"Worship is warfare"

"Praise and Surrender acknowledges--

'I need Jesus;

I can't do this alone.'" 

His "Arrival" takes me to a place of awe and worship and warfare

"O come now hail His arrival

the God of creation

Royalty robed in the flesh He created

Jesus the Maker has made Himself known

All Hail the Infinite infant God."

Too Much

It was already "too much" before this week unfolded.

The past weeks of slowly watching my kindred friend leave this life...

Those final days of saying "goodbye"...

The day of celebrating her life yes, but also grieving her loss...

It all felt like too much.

And then, what I thought would give way to a sense of relief in knowing her suffering is over and she is free and joyous and basking in Jesus' presence, what entered instead was this overall sense of weariness...as though the last 14 months of her battle have caught up with me.  This all out war that she fought and I soldiered with her on, this war has worn me in deep ways.  And I am tired.

I've been "here" before as a result of other life circumstances and therefore with an arsenal of understanding and ways of self care to put into practice.  Which I have.  But then the "more" of life overwhelmed me this week and it now feels like more than "too much" because it was "too much" already.

Sigh...

But God is still on the throne.  It's one of the first thoughts which came to me on Dec. 5 and what I will continue to remind myself of.

But God is still with me...still walking near and ever nearer...

But God's Word is still my truth source, my comfort, my guide...

But God's got this...and He's got me...

And though my frailty, my default to worry and fear, and the weariness  which swirls around and within me threatens to unmoor me, I know I am His and He is mine and we will walk on together, hands clasped, in this season of "too much." 
Because ultimately, He is enough.

“If you are past thirty-five, you surely grieve something.

If nothing else, you simply grieve for the passing of time…for the helplessness of knowing that tragedy can occur instantly and without warning,” writes southern novelist Vicki Covington.

Pastor and teacher Dr. Gary Klingsporn wrote, “Only a Christ who comes into and shares our tears….only that Christ can really speak meaningfully to us today.

Christ is born into whatever it is that we feel.  He comes not as a predictable hero, but as a vulnerable child.  From the Messiah in a manger to the King on a Cross, this is the mystery of the Incarnation—that into such a world of need, into such a world as ours, God whispered His profound love.  And He whispers it yet today.”

O God who entered time and eternity as a crying infant, break into my laughter and be present in my tears.  I lay before You today all that burdens my heart even as I listen for the singing of angels.

Thomas Kinkade

Christ the Light of the World

Come Lord Jesus

Oh Hallelujah!

The time has come to prepare for Your arrival

How I anticipate your coming!

How I need You to break into my world.

Come Lord Jesus

have Your way with me--

in me.