My Storehouse

"It's important to keep adding to our storehouse of names, aspects, and images of God.  We tend to stick with the familiar images such as Father, Shepherd, Comforter, Christ.  But what if we're looking for the divine Comforter while the divine Challenger actually is on our case?  Or we're thinking we need the Fire of the Spirit to buck up our faltering spirits when God is trying to make the Water of grace available  through our own tears?  What if we're looking for divine Light and illumination when what's available is the divine Darkness in a 'cloud of unknowing'?"
--Robert Corin Morris
"Wrestling with Grace:  A Spirituality for the Rough Edges of Daily Life"

I read this quote about a week ago and it caught my attention.  I began to ponder what "new" name or image of God I should be adding to my storehouse.  Or perhaps worded another way, "What 'new' name or image of God does HE desire to add to my storehouse?

Personally, I am more comfortable with God as my Comforter than my Challenger, or God as my Light as opposed to Divine Darkness.  I am consistently looking to God to be my Security, my Stability in a world...in my world, which seems ever changing.  And I know that this is good and right and wise.  He should be my Security.  He should be the One in whom I find stability.  But what I am being challenged on in the words of Robert Corin Morris, is that He should  be more than that.  And quite frankly, that makes me feel a little uneasy.  At which time I run to my Security and bury my heart in His strength and ask Him to walk with me through the coming season.

Because I know that one is here.  A new season.

I met several days ago, a woman, whom I have asked to disciple me.  I have been praying and seeking a new Spiritual Director, as my previous one has felt she was unable to continue providing me direction.  And so I have patiently waited for His guidance in finding someone else to fill this particular role in my life.  The time spent with this woman held a strength and richness which has ignited a new sense of spiritual excitement.  But it was also apparent that her way of discipling would lead me onto a new fork in the road.  Herein lies an uneasiness as well.  No longer is the path clear in front of me the way I had mapped it out.  Now there are unknowns.  What will walking into this blank territory of my soul yield?  Is there a dormant part of my being that needs to be awakened?  Is there a weak part of my soul which needs to be made strong?    Yet I sense that God is mapping out this something new.  I sense holiness even amidst the quiet fear.  I wonder if just maybe, God does not have some new names or an image of Himself in mind, for me to add to my storehouse?

And so in His gentle strength, I will enter this new season, turn my soul into this fork in the road, and wait to hear the name He whispers in my ear.

Toronto 3 Florida 1

I think I had perma-grin this past Tuesday evening.  My hubby was given two tickets to a corporate box at the ACC and he took me!!!!!!!  My first time ever watching my Toronto Maple Leafs live!!  What a blast!

It was just wild to be there..the bright lights and cranked volume, and a massive amount of Leaf Jersey's.  Who knew that there could be so many different styles?  Our "box" was like a hotel room.  A couch, chair, mini kitchenette, and of course lots of food.

I enjoyed the veggies and dip and Brian enjoyed the pizza, fahitas, chicken fingers, chips and Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream. 

But what I relished in the most, was watching my Leaf's WIN!!!!! 

A night to remember for sure :)

Free Falling into God

It's how I would describe my son's openness to God these past weeks.  He's doing this incredible free fall into the "bigness" of God, and it is something truly amazing to watch and be a part of.

He's home for the weekend, having just returned from 11 days out of the province being the hands and feet of Jesus.  Sometimes that meant feeding the homeless, and other times it meant painting a wall.  At times it was about speaking truth to an individual, or listening to God reveal truth to his own heart.

But always, it was about pulling back the flesh of his body, exposing his raw, beating heart, and allowing God to mold and develop and make his innermost being, wise and loving and patient and kind...in a wild sort of way.  My boy is unashamedly wild at heart.

But I am still his mother, and as I hear him spill forth his dreams and thoughts and all that is so radical and extreme and beyond any sense of comfort, I find myself running.

Running to God so I can sit in the presence of the Creator of this life I birthed.  Sit and listen and feel His calming, all consuming Presence.  And surrender.  Alone in my livingroom with hands outstretched...upward to the heavens,  entrusting my son once again, surrendering my mother heart, submitting to the One who guides and protects and calls us to follow Him.

And in the surrendering, I was thanking.  Thanking Him that He is in charge and not I, that I don't have to carry this burden, because my son belongs to God.  A sweet, reckless belonging. 

Clay Crosse sings a powerful song called "I Surrender All".  The words so accurately depict the passion I see exuding from my son.  I share the lyrics and music video with you, as a tribute to the Majesty, Wonder and Wildness of a God who has called my son, and who personally calls each of us to free fall into Him.

I love watching you "fall", Cam!

I Surrender All

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand


In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours


I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires 
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all


If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain


So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise


Everything I am, all I've done and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life  I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all


Clay Crosses

 http://youtu.be/THHu5QPjB_4

Thanksgiving

 "What shall I render to the Lord

for all His benefits to me?"

--Psalm 116:12

 I'm thankful 
...for autumn's beauty; brilliant sunlight highlighting vibrant colors...the crunch of leaves beneath my shoes...the scent that causes me to inhale deeper
... for Eden's glory in work or play...
...for the richness of family and laughing, resting, sharing, and living together...
...for the ache that comes because I miss my son, but love his passion for serving God...
...for the bounty of food...always
I'm thankful for home that is always waiting for us...


"Enjoy winter's hibernation, Eden...see you in spring."

Beer for my Horses

Some of you are, at this moment, both bewildered and concerned.  As far as you are aware, I don't own any horses, and I'm not a guzzling  beer drinker.

What I am though, is a Country Music fan, and last evening, on our way home from dinner at my in-laws, my daughter and I had the sound waves dancing.  It had been a lovely autumn day, our windows were halfway down and we were both enjoying the cool beat of country.  And then this song came on..."Beer for my Horses".  Even though I can readily groove to the beat of Country, I can also admit that this genre of music can make a bad name for itself by some of it's lyrics.  And yes, "Beer for my Horses" was one such song.

But it made me laugh, and I had fun singing along with the crooning cowboy.  It was a welcome reprieve from a stressful week.  I am in the midst of trying to manage, adjust and understand some health issues.  It's nothing serious.

Living with Diabetes calls for a level of daily maintenance anyway, and once and awhile that level skyrockets.  I visited my specialist on Monday, having waited 4 months to see her.  Again, what sent me to her office was not a crisis, but my family doctor and I felt that her expertise would be helpful in understanding some challenges I was facing.  I left my apt. feeling like I had just been through a whirlwind and whipped out the other side.  She stopped one of my insulin's and started me on a brand new one, rearranged all of my dosages to my other insulin, changed my meal plan, booked me in with a Dietitian and scheduled 4 more app.'s with her over the next month!  Whew!  Can I catch my breath please???

I can tell that I have gained perspective over the years, because even as she was explaining all of the above, I was having a little chat with myself.  "It's okay, Juanita...it's a lot to take in right at the moment, but in the long run, this will benefit you."  So I just kept nodding, smiling and breathing :)  And "Hey", I didn't even cry when I got in my van to drive home!

I have quickly accepted that I am in a season of having to care for myself  surrounding a number of health issues.  I have been going to Physio twice a week(most weeks), since June, which has yanked 3-4 hours out of every week.  Two weeks ago I started to experience results.  It's been a long haul.  As well, at the end of July I had a small hemorrhage in my right eye, which has thankfully been healing on its own.  However, my Ophthalmologist would like to investigate the cause, which has meant more apt.'s, tests, and another specialist next week.  Oh, and two different doctors also want blood work done over the next week or so.  Enough already!!!!

So, I am working at settling in to this season of change, managing my day timer, and trying to go with the flow.  Not my forte! 

Oh, and, I blare "Beer for my Horses" and remember to laugh and not get too out of sorts over all that is transpiring.