Places Where Grace Is: July 2012

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Empty Places

I remember their tiny hands wrapped 'round a finger

our eyes locked on the other

as I whispered "mommy loves you"

to this fresh gift of life at my breast

Today

their hands are bigger than mine,

fingers stretching beyond my own

and no longer do they need to hold on

but rather

let go

and for me to let go as well

But I am caught in between

a yo-yo of sorts

Still a Mama

always a Mama

just not always mothering

One moment a bruised ego pulls at my heartstrings

the next moment

the keys are lifted from the hook

and she's gone

and I am put "on hold"

'til next time

One moment he's off to university

and the next

he's a groom

with a wife

and rings on their fingers

This "once- a- gift -of- life" for me

now a gift for the woman

he promised his love to

I must let go

in newer, deeper ways

this one

I've held close to my heart

Empty places

that's how they feel

places once filled with little people

needing a Mama

Little people who have grown up

or are growing up

doing what they should be doing

doing what I devoted myself

to make happen

Still

the empty places are there

or here

for a time

Maybe for all time

Maybe all mothers live with empty places

a remembering

of the sacred

gift of

motherhood

Saturday, July 28, 2012

If this picture casts a sun-kissed shadow of our time at Eden this past week, then I hardly need to say more.

The quiet, the stillness...restfulness.

And though we only had 1 1/2 days alone, we reveled in a lot of living in those few hours. Seemed like it was our gift since our days at the cottage several weeks ago were filled with sickness for me.

But this time, I was well and mostly recovered from the busy pace of the wedding week...and still rejoicing.

Our brief interlude was a trip back "home" to spend at day with Cam and Sonya and her family...worshiping together, enjoying a meal, and being privy to the newlyweds opening up wedding gifts at their new home.

Good old Pyrex:)

Hand-made by Cam's Aunt Tania

He's a married man and yes...wearing a lovely flower, but he's still "my boy" :)


World map from Sonya's sister Jess...traveling is in their blood

The happy campers posing with their gear

We returned to Eden Sunday evening with Ashley which held a blessing all its own. We are thankful that our now 17 year old will spend 5 days with her parents at the cottage despite having no friends able to join her. Her surprise gift was having her cousin and friend show up late Wednesday evening...throwing stones on our roof to alert us to their arrival. WHAT FUN...for these three as they spent the next 22 hours reveling in cottage life.

And now we are back home and I am grateful for this too. I love Eden and I love my home. God is present at both. My last few days at Eden held more of a sombre feel, as He revealed some empty places in my soul...places He longs to fill. Now here at home, I have much soul work to pour myself into.

"Come my Shepherd and guide this journey."

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

God's Day

My words seem so very small and incapable of expressing the fullness of my heart as I begin to write this post on Cam and Sonya's wedding day. There seemed so much, in the week prior to the day that threatened the celebration we so longed to have. Sickness was plaguing myself and seeking to bring Sonya down as well. Then, just days prior, Sonya's grandfather had a brain hemorrhage and died in the early morning hours of Wednesday July 11.

And so we prayed. And asked others to pray....that God would thwart the seeming attacks from the enemy to sabotage this day of rejoicing.

Which is why my soul is brimming with gratitude and a deep well of joy at the untold ways God moved to cover the day with blessing. Be sure, there was a bittersweetness for Sonya's family and the fresh loss of someone so loved, but a spirit of rejoicing predominated this day marked for a wedding.

Which is why July 14 was "God's Day". It truly was. He was among us in all His glory.

A small choir of family and friends were the chosen prelude of music singing hymns accompanied by my sister Tania on the piano and sister Charmaine singing.

We as mothers, escorted by Cam, came in to Charmaine and Tania singing, "All the Way My Saviour Leads Me".

People tell me I was beaming.
I can't describe to you how proud this Mama's heart was to walk in on the arm of her boy, with my husband close behind. It was just one of those "frozen in time" moments of looking up into the handsome face of my firstborn, knowing he was on his way to the altar.

The guys walked down the aisle to "How Firm a Foundation" , and the girls and Sonya and her father entered to "Be Thou My Vision".

I can only describe the ceremony as holy. I have never before experienced a wedding that was such a service of powerful worship.

"Bless the Lord O my soul,

O my soul,

Worship His Holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul,

Worship His Holy name."

--10,000 Reasons

by Matt Redman

My sisters rehearsing prior to ceremony

Cam and Sonya stood apart from one another, facing us, and sang with radiant hearts to God. Beautiful.

Their vows to one another were, in a word, breathtaking.

"Sonya Leigh...I promise to love you founded on choice and not to leave it up to chance, time or seasons to decide. I promise to seek what's best for you, knowing all too well that it takes me far beyond what I can do on my own, and deep into the love, mercy, grace, and power of our Lord Jesus Christ. I promise to nurture you, cherish you, provide for you, protect you, and give all of myself only to you. I promise to lead us each day, to pursue God with a growing passion and abandonment--through the mountain tops and valleys, the joy and the pain, through health and sickness, until death do us part into the eternal glory of our Lord and Saviour, the only God, and He is Love."

"Cameron Mark...today, before our friends, family, and the church--our witnesses--I offer myself completely to you. Nearly five years ago I chose to love the man I would marry and no one else. So take my hands--they have been held by no other. I pledge to God to you that as I have saved myself for you today, so I will continue to save myself for you, and only you; I will never give my love to another man. I promise to delight in the complete commitment of this marriage. I promise to seek honesty and truth in my communication with you and to give you free access to my mind. I devote myself first to our God and then to you, regardless of what our future brings, and I choose to gladly submit to you as you seek to lead me ever closer to our Lord. Most of all I promise to always pursue our God so that I may become more like Him and more able to fulfill the promises I have made to you today. May the Lord Most High be praised and glorified by our life together."

There were times throughout these promises made, that my tears flowed freely. Such powerful words of commitment...such utter dependence on Christ.

The Kiss--While no wedding ceremony would be complete without the infamous kiss, this particular moment was filled with charged emotion and prolonged cheering. Why? Because Cam and Sonya had never kissed before...or held hands for that matter. It was a decision they made when their friendship began to look towards a future together. They chose purity, setting firm boundaries that would purposefully focus their time and selves into establishing a strong, focused friendship...with each other and their God.

They may be young...19 and 20, but the depth of their maturity and strength of their character is far beyond their years.

And so when Pastor James pronounced them husband and wife and said, "you may kiss your bride", WE CELEBRATED!!!!! For me the moment was sacred. In the months preceding, I had been privileged to hear their hearts as they talked about their commitment to purity, and I knew, if only in a small way, the sacrifice they made. And so I watched with joy throughout the rest of the day as they held hands and kissed and shared their quiet affection with each other.

It was following the signing of the register that they sang to each other....Cam on the piano...Sonya on the stage....eyes riveted on one another through Steven Curtis Chapman's "I Will Be There". Kleenex again please:)

I know that by now, many of you are thinking...okay...enough with the ceremony...I want to see some pictures!!!!!!! They are coming...but I so desired to share with you some of the day...that which moved me in deep ways.

So my friends and family...thanks to my sister Chris who was my personal photographer, and some others who have sent me pics, enjoy this pictorial tribute of Cam and Sonya....July 14, 2012.