He is Here

Advent and Hope

I am so here and ready for Advent.  I know Advent is about the waiting for Christ to come, but I have been waiting for Advent to arrive!!!!  There has been so much that has unfolded in the lives of some beautiful friends of mine and I feel hungry, starved even, for a fresh and deep and profound encounter with Jesus.

This first week is on Hope.  We use this word quite loosely this days--

I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow
I hope I don't get caught in traffic on the way to this appointment.
I hope chicken is on sale this week at the grocery store.

Of course there is nothing wrong with stating these words. 

But for sure they pale in comparison to the one who is hoping that this week she will receive the results of her husband's tests that they've been waiting for.  And she hopes that this gives her clearer direction for how to plan for tomorrow and next week and the week after. In all honesty her hope of one day being free from the overwhelming stress and energy of full-time care-giving lies in one of two options:  she places her husband in long term care or...he dies. How's that for brutal reality?

Hope takes on a new intensity for my friend who wonders if she is strong enough to travel over Christmas and if she does, will the effects on her and her family be manageable and worth it. She hopes for the day she can drive again, return to work...even make a complete meal without resting in between each task.  Last week, her eyes looked "awake" for the first time since the middle of September.  Her smiling eyes looked like hope.

And for yet another friend, her journey from cancer to cancer free lasted only months before some cruel joke began to poke at her battered body.  And now Hope pleads and begs that tomorrow she will be healed from intolerable pain that the medical community has yet to diagnose.  And it's been three months!!!!!!! She hopes that one day we will laugh together again, that life will offer more than just existing or escaping to sleep. 

This is the perspective of Hope that none of want to have to come face to face with but many of us will at some point in our lives.  Right now, three of my friends are living it.  And in being even a small part of their journey, I find I am living in hope with them.

Needing Hope to light my pathway is not a foreign experience for me.  I have prepared for Christmas in the past where hope was barely a word I could utter.  The darkness of life had so enveloped me that truly I felt bereft of any hope.  And yes, to the point where even my hope in God was shaken.  No one wants to hear this.  Even Christians don't want to hear these words.  It makes people uncomfortable to hear a Christ follower say, "I have no hope.".  Because what does that say about the incredible grace and mercy and love of God who is our eternal hope???!!!!!  Truthfully, I don't think it reflects on God at all.  What it does say is, "In my frail humanity and because of the depth of my suffering, I have lost all hope...I can't even see God."  And what do we need... what do we desire in such dark seasons in our lives???  Not a neatly put together spiritual response of how God must be using this for good somewhere down the road!!  No, we desire someone to cry with us and hold us, and say "I'm sorry your pain is that deep, but I will hold out hope for you when you are unable.  I will stay on this journey longing, praying, hoping...

So today as I opened my Advent devotional and began reading about expectations and hope I have these three friends (and others) pictured in my mind.  And I hope and pray with a deep longing and pleading that these women will sooner rather than later experience the fruit of their practice of hope.  And on those days when hope is hidden behind the darkness I will keep my hope alive for them.
Sometimes this is all we can do...
We pray and pray...
and Hope.

Downsizing the Season

I knew in September that without a revised Christmas plan I would default to the original which clearly was not working.  Every thought of the upcoming season filled me with a sense of overwhelming dread.  And yet there is much about this season which I take great delight in.  For as long as I can remember I started out with a well intentioned plan but somewhere along the way it took on a life of its own and I would end up tired, stressed and feeling like I had failed again. 

It was in my search for an Advent Devotional for this year that I stumbled upon a fresh look at the season that is now upon us.     Alexandra Kuykendall is the wise author of "Loving My Actual Christmas--An Experiment in Relishing The Season".  As I read some of her thoughts I felt like perhaps God would use this woman to somehow give me direction to the days that so often tie me up in knots. Tomorrow is the beginning of Advent,and while I have clearly not yet delved into the readings, I did immediately pore over a section of "helps".  This was well over a month ago and it became the catalyst which has guided me the past number of weeks.  

I sequestered myself for two weeks earlier in November and dove into Christmas cards, shopping and decorating. Yes, my Christmas tree and decor was lighting up our home several weeks ago already!  My hubby is helping me wrap gifts as I write this.:)  All of this was necessary if I am to have any hope of some of the calm and enjoyment and purpose that I desire in this season. December is, by nature, full.  What I didn't want was to leave the above mentioned preparation to put into a month that is already at its limit.  There's so much in these coming days which compels my heart to have a clearer focus----

Tomorrow brings the first Sunday of Advent.  This spiritual practice has grown in importance to me year by year. Oh may it increase even more this season!!    How I pray that these days of waiting- anticipation for the coming of Immanuel, that these times of reflection and prayer, will move me ever closer in love for my Savior!

I only have 2 1/2 weeks with my daughter this Christmas and within those days I am also required to "share" her.  I so want to  have these December days as time devoted to her and the rest of my family.  

Already I am walking into December with several friends facing dark times.  It's important for me that my heart has places with energy and time to continue giving to these dear ones.  

These are the places I yearn for my heart to have time for.  I knew I needed to actively pursue a new trajectory if I was to even come near to what I long for.

Still, despite all plans and pursuits, there is the unfolding of life which is no respecter of seasons.  My plans and desires are nothing that can be engraved in stone.  "Loving My Actual Christmas" will have wisdom to share to guide me in all the unplanned moments which lie beyond today.  The title even proposes this reality--we will all have our own "actual Christmas".  

Immanuel

as I wait for You to come

I pray that I will

greet each new day with 

open hands

humble trust

and a spirit ever open to Yours

so I may 

love my actual Christmas.