So Soon....

love you to the moon and back

It's been 8 months since I hugged my girl and smelled the aroma of her beautiful auburn hair in my face.  We have skyped fairly regularly and texted and talked on the phone pretty much every day...well ok, more than once a day!  I have known many of the details of her every day life, for better or for worse and thanked my God for the "better" and prayed my heart out for the "worse".  I have, from a distance "watched" her grow and learn and struggle and pondered all of this in my heart.  I have smiled at the pictures of healthy meals (because she sends me them regularly) and I laugh because most of the food she would never have considered eating at home!!  I say "goodnight" to her every night, even though her evening is just beginning and I am ready to collapse on my pillow.  And every new day at some point we exchange morning greets and a brief relay of plans for the day ahead.  This continuous communication is one of the gifts of our technological world and I am so grateful.  But it's not the same as face to face, arm in arm and the wonder of those big brown eyes right in front of me.  Lord willing, all of this will be my joy when I walk off that airplane tonight and wrap her in my arms.

"Do not ever get into such a state of heart 

as to groan over yourself 

so that you cannot praise the Lord 

for His abounding grace."

--Charles Spurgeon

At times, the Spirit's gaze is so revealing that deep shame covers my being.  I tend to linger here too long sometimes, aghast at who I really am.  The deep down, underneath -all the- masks- I- wear -part of-who I am is a disturbing place to be.  And it's necessary but only for the purpose of pointing me to Him.  The One who died for all the ugliness within me.  The One who took my sin and shame upon Himself.  I am learning to move from this self focused place to a God focused place. 

Oh the beauty of enlarging my heart to the overflowing grace of God!