Reign in Me

He's just so far beyond my 

comprehension!

The distance between us,

though intimate

in relationship,

is immeasurably  vast

I suppose that it has been my 

finite

human ways

which have sought to trap

God in a box

This innate

"need"

to understand Him,

to be able to explain His actions

to crave a place of comfort

in the face of

His judgements 

All of this

has prevented me from seeing

all of Him

But that's changing!

As I delve into His character

I see a God

who is

incomparable

invisible

inscrutable

unchangeable

unequaled

unsearchable

infinite

That's where I ended today...

infinite

Solomon, in 1 Kings 8:27 reminds me of this--

"But will God indeed dwell on the earth?

Behold, heaven

and the highest heaven cannot contain Thee,

how much less this house which I have build!"

Baker's Commentary points me to this beautiful reality--

"Solomon has built the temple,

it remains for the infinite Lord,

whose existence is beyond comprehension, 

to choose to dwell in it

among a finite needy people."

This God

of mind blowing character

chooses,

not just to live among us,

but to live

within

us.

He lives

within 

finite,

needy

me.

I'm beyond grateful

that He lives

in me

But I desire more...

I want Him to

reign

in

me

Oh to rid my life

of this box I've had God in

and allow Him

free reign

in my life!

The corners have split open

the sides have been pulled apart

and I am beholding

Him!

Humbled.

It's Growing

A new level of peace

a deeper confidence

a stronger trust

They're all growing within me

It's as though God and I are on the same page right now

I'm so determined to do what I can

to foster a fuller awareness 

and faith

in His sovereignty

and

He is eager to drench me with His truth

and unite my heart 

with His

Isaiah 30:18,19 reads--

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,

and therefore He waits on high to have

compassion on you...

How blessed are all those who long for Him."

I love this intimate partnership

with God

Ann Voskamp

in her book

"The Greatest Gift"

makes this challenging statement--

"When the King rules your world,

you cease to rule

or worry.

All worry dethrones God.

All worrying makes you King

and God incompetent.

There is a King...

on the throne.

You can breathe."

I'm struck by her rebuke--

"All worry dethrones God.

All worrying makes you King

and God incompetent"

Ouch.

That's so not how I want to live my life...

but far too often

I do

And whether the Spirit is granting me 

moments of clarity,

or my heart is just well past tired

of living with fear,

or it's a combination,

I don't know

What I do know 

is that I'm breathing calmer these days

I'm resting in the King

who rules my world

I want to stay

 

Always Discovering

At times

I lament my slow learning curve

And yet,

the opposite is to refuse grow at all

or to be so arrogant as to think 

there's no more room for growing.

So I will welcome the learning and discovering

as slow paced as it may be

and I will rejoice in a God

who so patiently

and intimately

unveils Himself

to me.

My time with my Spiritual Director yesterday

was heavy.

Good, necessary, and the place I needed to go

but somewhat overwhelming all the same.

Fear

or more aptly

my fear--

My fears of future "what if's",

of loss and illness

No one who knows me well would be

surprised that I struggle with fear

And truly

I would love to be free of it!

But how?

When?

God knows I've tried!!!

I listened quietly 

as my Spiritual Director

talked of God and His sovereignty,

and all that this encompasses,
and then how we
in our brokenness
often create our own theology of God.

 I wrote down the pathways she suggested

I take 

in order to move towards healing and freedom

and away from the grip of fear.

This morning I started reading one of the scripture passages

she gave me

and the discovering began.

What follows is the unfolding of my time with 

God and His Word.

(Incidentally, the best way for me to read and take in scripture

is to follow a pattern which Ruth Haley Barton lays out--

Read, Reflect, Respond, Rest, Resolve.

As I'm reading a portion of scripture I "listen" to 

what grabs my attention

and then focus on those words)

Read:  

1 Samuel 2:1-11

"The Lord kills,

The Lord gives life.

Some He cause to be poor

And others to be rich.

He cuts one down

and lifts another up...

For all the earth is the Lord's

And He has set the world in order." (vs. 6,7,8b LB)

Reflect:  

"This is indeed a difficult passage.

'The Lord kills.'

Wow!

He causes some to be poor and others rich.

It doesn't sound loving or kind.

Yet....

that presupposes that I am the one

who knows what is loving and kind...

that I am the one who is

all wise,

all knowing....

Hannah understood God in a far reaching way.

I am becoming more aware of how I limit God,

how I try to keep Him in a box of my own making.

That way I can feel "safe".

Otherwise God becomes too big to control...

out of control...

unsafe.

'For all the earth is the Lord's

and He has set the world in order.'

Yet there is something strangely freeing

about allowing God to be God. 

Less energy and work on my part

trying to explain Him,

control Him,

"anticipate" His actions,

understand His actions.

I can let God "be".

Take my hands off.

Rest in my "being" as a finite human

and rest in Him as infinite."

Respond:

"God,

thankyou for this glimpse of freedom;

this unveiling of my face to see Yours more clearly.

'...whenever a man turns to the Lord,

the veil is taken away.

Now the Lord is the Spirit;

and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

there is liberty(freedom)'

2 Corinthians 3:116,17

"God, You are transforming me

into the same image(Your image)" vs. 18

which sounds so incredibly radical....

 that I could actually be

becoming more like You!!!!

I am grateful for Your unveiling

of my heart today."

Rest:

In the vastness...

the "bigness" 

of God

Resolve:

To keep my heart turned to the Lord

so that He might remove more of the veil.

  Yesterday

as I turned on to my street

following my time with

Ingrid

I heard the song

"Make Me"

by Sidewalk Prophets

Some of it was exactly what Ingrid and I

had talked about together

And while I can't say that I am able to sing the words with gusto

I am at least humming along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqap3BvxJAw

A New Year--Reframing Life

"The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime

and His song will be with me in the night.

A prayer to the God of my life."

--Psalm 42:8

 

This beloved verse of mine

now reads as

my verse for the coming year.

Really I came across several to choose from

to encompass what I believe God is calling me to

in 2014--

that's the beauty of God's Word--

it's wealth of life-giving truths!

Still I've always found this verse to cover all of life...

each 24 hour day is

overwhelmed with God's lovingkindness--

He commands it!!!

And my slumber is filled with His lullabies.

He IS 

the God of my life.

Yet the truth is...

I often lose sight of Him

as the dailyness of life unfolds.

And neither God 

nor I

are content with this.

Not that God is hounding me

but rather

continuously drawing me back from the "cares" of life

 to  refocus on Him

How I long for this too--

a steady gaze into my Father's face.

Sigh.

How differently I would walk through the

upheaval,

stresses,

untimely news,

conflict,

disappointment,

struggles,

if I had my soul turned to Him

always.

Which is why I hear Him inviting me to

reframe life

Reframe it in the way He had begun teaching me

prior to Christmas

Reframing it by living TRUE

 to this statement --

"Life will be good 

as long as I have my Jesus"

Over and over again I see my dependence

on life's circumstances

to make life good

And just as often

 I am left

reeling from whatever it was

that threw me off balance

All because my focus was askew

So I suppose in some ways

there is a simplicity to His invitation--

Look to ME child

And that I find beautiful and freeing and rich

The hard part is knowing

my broken way of living

and how easily the eyes of my soul

fall away

But I keep hearing His life-giving invitation

and it's just so welcoming...

I can't ignore it...

I gratefully accept