I Am Not

"Life is the tale of two stories--one finite and frail, the other eternal and enduring.  The tiny one--the story of us--is as brief as the blink of an eye.  Yet somehow our infatuation with our own little story--and our determination to make it as big as we possibly can--blinds us to the massive God Story that surrounds us on every side."

And so speaks the first paragraph of Louie Giglio's book, "i am not but i know I AM--Welcome to the Story of God.". 

http://www.amazon.ca/Am-Not-But-Know-Welcome/dp/1590522753/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296262718&sr=1-1


 Perhaps a somewhat awkward sounding title, but it's pages are anything but awkward.  The words being driven into my soul are re-framing how I think about my life's story.

It could just be my sense, but I am wondering if we Christ followers in general have become somewhat wrapped up in our own personal stories.  We often talk about "my story" and our quest to see God intersect throughout the pages of "our lives".  In seasons of intense struggle, loss or suffering, we sooooo crave to see His handwriting on the parchment of our everyday living.  At least these are laments I hear, and ones which I have expressed myself.

And don't we so deeply desire our stories to be full and big and yes, even glamorous?  I do.  It's been a road that I've been on since I was a little girl and began hearing the age old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  And now that I am grown up (or so they tell me), I'm still reading through the pages of my life and wondering if it's full or big or glamorous.  Okay, so it's definitely not  glamorous.

Don't get me wrong.  Desiring to see God's hand print is what often encourages and spurs us on.  I'm just thinking that we need to reverse our thinking.  Perhaps we need to let God take His rightful place, and we ours.  It's God's story that should get center stage.  And yes we are a part of His story, but oh such a tiny, minuscule part.

I'm quite sure that if I had even a glimpse of the far reaching height and depth of the tapestry He's weaving, I would be more content with the single thread that I am.  If I wholly believed that His plans are sovereign and good, I'm sure I would more graciously accept the way in which He's weaving the events of my life.

Like I said, there's a re-framing of my mind going on.  And if it means opening the eyes of my heart to the bigness of my God
    and realizing the 
           smallness that is me,
than I say, "Come Holy Spirit and teach me." 

Creating

"When you are completely caught up in something, you become oblivious to things around you, or to the passage of time.  It is this absorption in what you are doing that frees your unconscious and releases your creative imagination."--Rollo May  "The Courage to Create"

I'm thankful to my husband who allowed my indulgence this weekend in creating a new look to my blog.  My kids are gone to Snow Camp and did not have to endure my absorption with this wildly exciting, sometimes frustrating project. 

I love that my Creator gives me the joy of creating in small, but enjoyable ways.

Twas rejuvenating...now for restful sleep.

A Work in Progress

I'm having fun...but I'm still figuring this all out...and it's time to call it a night!!
Back tomorrow!

His Presence

I love her depth and insight.  I love her authentic words filled with hope and promises and purpose.  I love her attentiveness and willingness to probe into my soul.  I love the way in which she takes a few verses from my Bible and brings them to life...so that I might have life.

Yet again, my Spiritual Director has pulled back the curtains to reveal truth and beauty in God's Word. 

It was a familiar story in the book of Matthew and although there is much in all that unfolds between Jesus and his disciples, all that you need to be aware of is that this group of men are out at sea in what the Bible refers to as a "tormenting" wind.  If that isn't terrifying enough, they think they are seeing a ghost coming towards them on the water.  Of course it is Jesus, but they do not know this until He says:


"Take courage,
      it is I;
           do not be afraid."

It's the three simple but powerful words, sandwiched in between the others, that I find so captivating.

"It is I."

Jesus.

Jesus is there.  In the whipping wind and the tossing waves.  In the dark of night and the frozen fear of the disciples.

And if Jesus is there...and He is...everything changes.

 Who else can tell me to have courage and me reach out with both hands?  Who else dare shell out the words, "do not be afraid?" 

Only Jesus.  

Now to really live as though His presence makes a difference.  I mean it's one thing for the words of God to leap off the page, but quite another to acknowledge and invite and rest in His presence throughout the course of my day.  I so desire this reality.  And if anyone can make it happen, He's the One.

So tomorrow, if the wind takes my breath away, or fear grips my heart, or if it's just a harder-than-normal part of my day which threatens to throw me off course, I sincerely hope I remember Jesus.  I hope I will stop long enough to hear Him say, "It is I." 

Because I know His presence changes everything.   

Starting Today with Grace

"Oh Father God, I invite You into my weakness and ask You to be my strength.

I acknowledge that You have won the victory--I only need to receive it.

I am reminded that I do not need a new program or method to run my life.  I need the person of Jesus Christ.

I am aware that trying harder will not put an end to my inner turmoil.   Trusting Christ alone to express Himself through me is the pathway my feet should take.

My felt need of learning to cope is better replaced by surrendering MY resources to Him.

Thinking that I must be more committed is erroneous.  Letting God do what HE wants with me is all that's required.

The issue it not my performance.  The issue is my identity--it's in Christ."

Our "Farewell to the Holiday's" Adventure: World Junior Hockey

What a fantastic way for our family to end the holidays!  My hubby was given 4 tickets to the World Junior Quarter Finals in Buffalo for Sunday Jan 2.  Our excitement was increased dramatically when we learned that Canada was going to be playing against Switzerland.  Brian started e-mailing people for Canada Jerseys so we could be part of the sea of red and white.  Three out of the four of us ended up sporting Canadian attire.

It may have been only a 2 1/2 hour game, but we knew it was going to an all day affair for us with traveling time.  Sunday morning found us preparing lunches and gathering passports, American $, boots, coats, hats and mitts.  Except Cam of course.  Remember, he's the guy who eats farmer's corn and half eaten pitas from the side of the road.  We did manage to convince him to wear a winter coat, reminding him that we were going to park a distance from the HSBC Arena and that weather was forecast as windy, cold and snow flurries.   But take along mitts??? " What for???  I've got pockets."  I told him that pockets wouldn't help him if he had to push the car out of the ditch.  But Mr. Debater indicated that in such a situation, his mother would be in the car and he could borrow my mitts!!!  (Mentioning all of this will become important in this adventure later on)

10:30 a.m. and we are out the door and on our way.  A brief stop before the border gave us time to eat our prepared lunches in the car.  Then on to join the lengthy lines of vehicles filled with excited Canadians waiting to cross the border.  It was a 45 minute lesson in patience for Ashley who does not like to wait. Personally I thought it was awesome!
We arrived well in advance of the 3:30 game start, and were able to park on a street for free.  Much better than the $60 price gouging lots we were warned of.

  Because my procrastinating daughter still had an unfinished homework assignment, we stayed in the car for a time while she laboriously sought to complete it.  The car engine was off, but music still playing(because heaven forbid that she would have to work in silence!!)  Eventually, the chill was becoming too much for me, and Brian turned on the ignition.

Nothing
.
He tried again.

Nothing.

Oh my...not good.  So what does one do when your car doesn't start and Canada is warming up for the big game?  YOU WORRY ABOUT THE CAR LATER AND GO TO THE GAME!!!!

The game was not the thunderously loud riot we had expected, but still, tons of fun for all of us.  The first period was mostly a nail biter until Canada tied it up.  As the goals slowly increased, we relaxed a little more and cheered for all we were worth each time the puck found its way past the Swiss goalie.  What a feeling to be in an arena filled with Canadians!!!  It was such a unified roaring-to-our-feet celebration with each goal.  I just loved it!!!  Final score? (For those of you who don't watch hockey....do you people really exist???!!!!) 4-1 for Canada!!!!!!!!!  Woo-hoo!!!

 Thanks to my brother for this Jersey!!!!!!

 Now for the trek back to our dead car.  Of course we are all hoping it will miraculously start and yes, some of us prayed for this.  But why end the adventure with the hockey game?

The car continued to quietly protest the turning of the key.

Now, there are two tangents I must go on to explain this ongoing saga.  Remember my boy without mitts?  The one who is now standing outside in the cold and wind with his father opening up the hood of the car?  Yep, that boy.  I opened my door and called to him, "Cam, do you want to borrow my mitts?"

"Sure", came the response with a grin attached.  Need I say more!!!

Shortly thereafter, a nice young Canadian fan arrived to pick up his vehicle and helped to give us a boost.   Thanks so much!!!

The other tangent I must mention is that apparently it was MY fault that the car wouldn't start.  You see, I prayed that the car would start OR that God would provide someone to help us.  But this, I discovered, makes God think.  Because I gave Him two options, He now has to weigh them out and make a decision.  I should have just kept it simple with, "Please make the car start."

Ashley's response to the 2 nameless people who blamed me, was, "I can't believe you're arguing about God...I think He does whatever the heck it is that He wants to."  Ha,ha

Okay let's get back to that warm, humming car, and make our way back across the border.  It was probably closer to 30 minutes this time, of waiting to enter our "home and native land".  Meanwhile, the discussion revolved around whether we were going to stop for supper at Swiss Chalet and risk the car dying again, or go through a drive through.  We opted to stop, and enjoyed a delicious dinner as a family, with a server who actually enjoyed her job!!  (Unlike the border personnel who clearly dislike what they do)

And the car started!!!!!!!!  "Thanks God" :)

Destination...home.  Arrival...9:35 pm.  An absolutely fun-filled, adventure laden, memory-making day, and a perfect way to bid farewell to the holiday

 Can't wait for the really big game tonight!!!!!!!!!!!


 Now, for a return to what I'm calling, "The 6 R's"

Return to routines
Reduce food consumption
Reinstate exercise
Reintroduce flossing (yes, I took a holiday from that too!)
Recall memory-filled moments of Christmas
Remember... this new year is a gift