Broken

Today

I am broken

I know...we are a broken people

and every day we touch the edges of our brokenness in some capacity

But today

I 

feel

broken

All of me

Body, soul, spirit

I got caught again

in the cycle 

I nursed  discontent with my limitations

and  overextended myself

I pressed in strong and "savior-like" to encourage and support

the hurting

but

didn't trust enough

in God...

the only Savior's 

all encompassing care

I failed to rest when I was tired--

there was always more to do

My ear was deaf to His invitation 

and instead listened to voices inside my head--

ones which shouted of the perceived expectations of others

But

It is a grace from God

that once again

I hear His voice of truth

and

partake of His forgiveness

and 

rest in His mercy

Kara Tippets 

a cancer fighter 

speaks these words--

"I see my biggest strength

as my weakness and my neediness

and I wake up everyday

and 

I 

need 

Jesus"

Her words grabbed my attention yesterday

for several reasons--

I don't like my weakness, my neediness!

I don't like this broken way of living that I continue to succumb to!

I long to live free!

But my weakness drives me to Jesus

and reminds me how small I am

and how desperately I need Him!

Just like Paul with his thorn in the flesh

I would rather my thorn be taken away--

yet this does not seem to be God's way

He would rather my thorn 

keep me on my knees

dependent

only on Him 

I am broken

every day

but today it seeps through all of the cracks of my being

I lift my neediness up to God

and invite Him to

quiet my soul

Adventure

Thoughts kept inside

lie quiet and safe

Speaking them aloud 

brings them

to life

Speaking them aloud

to Ingrid

my Spiritual Director

makes them 

"dangerous" 

I say this tongue in cheek

because Ingrid is 

so very gentle and gracious

but

there is something very powerful

about giving voice to things of my heart
of inviting someone into that place
to speak words of wisdom and direction

I shared with Ingrid yesterday of a realization

I came to last year

during my trip to New York City

In the midst of the richness of

our time in Winnipeg this summer

this realization became that much stronger

"I've been missing out on adventure"

This paralyzing fear of flying I have had for 20 plus years
has kept me grounded
and
"I've been missing out on adventure"

Last year that began to change
when God seemed to say--

"It's time" 

The stranglehold of fear
was gone
enough to at least step on a plane 
and so here I am
aware that I have missed out on so much adventure

Do I regret this?
Not in a crippling kind of way
I can't erase the past
That often used phrase--
"it is what it is"
resonates with me

Paul chose to forget what was in the past
and to reach for what lay ahead
to press on to the goal
for the prize
of the call of Jesus on his life
Philippians 3:13,14


That was essentially Ingrid's challenge for me--
to intentionally pray this prayer--

"What adventure would You have for me
that I would never consider?"

This is my "pressing on" prayer

This is my heartfelt invitation for Jesus
to lead me
into an adventure only He
would design


Driving away from Ingrid's home
this song began playing on the radio
It became my anthem of thanksgiving
for the beautiful ways in which
His love so purposefully comes to find me
It was my song of surrender--
the offering of my life
as praise to Him


"Multiplied"

"Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name

God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Hallelujahs be multiplied 
Need to Breathe

Welcome Fall

Welcome dear fall

you glow with the harvest of spring's planting

you let me linger a little longer

in summer's heat

yet link me to winter's edge

with a sweater on my shoulders

I feast on earth's bounty

experience the fresh breath of beginnings

indulge in the blazing colors of autumn's landscape

You are a cherished season

until I slip into the next

for all of you--

spring, summer, fall and winter

capture a beauty all your own

Today it's you

dear autumn

I welcome you

Saturate me with your goodness

as I dance with gratitude

in your splendor

Summer's Finale--Family

I cannot think of a more satisfying

last fling of summer 

than to be with my family

Restful,satisfying, rich, memorable

Side by side

with the one I love
this man I promised my love to
23 years ago
He still makes my heart beat faster:)

Looking on with love and gratitude

on this

purposeful and holy covenant of love

Enjoying our postlude farewell

to a summer of

jeweled relationship

amidst the rough stones of life

Ours is not a perfect family:)

We have made mistakes

hurt each other

stumbled through oh-so-hard-seasons

and still live with scars

But we love each other

and we are healing

Being away together was another 

open book opportunity

to write new pages

in the life of our family

Eucharisteo!