Advent's Awakening

..."The Lord is with you."

--Luke 1:28b

Such beautiful words for Mary's heart.

But read the context and you will quickly discover

the 

perfect

timing

in which they came to her ears.

The angel Gabriel gave Mary this promise

BEFORE

he shared with her

that which would change her life forever.

And yesterday morning

as I sat in my pew at church

listening to my pastor read this passage of scripture

I grabbed on to the reality of what this meant for Mary

of what it means for me.

His Presence is here

before anything 

enters my life.

Oh how I need His Presence.

Today marks one week since my mother-in-law

has been in hospital.

A week of roller coaster emotions

with so much unknown.

Last evening seemed a turning point

and

today...

"home" was mentioned for the first time.

No date set yet, but 

it's on the horizon.

I shared with Mum...and Dad sitting at her bedside

the depth of Gabriel's words...

the comfort and assurance and provision

of his message to Mary..and to us...

Presence comes first.

Presence comes before the bad news or good news

Presence

before whatever it is that will change my day

of my life

Presence enshrouds me in

love and care and security

His Presence.

As the first days of Advent pass

how rich it is 

to know I'm walking into the unknown

in His Presence.

I

Commencement

Congrats my girl!!!!!!!!!

November Sunset

This year...

"This year needs Advent;

needs a keeping space

Of silence and of darkness nearing down,

Someplace where all that can be still is stilled...

Where there is less of me and more of grace.

There in the waiting moments you have willed

Lies healing for an often-wounded soul,

The deep recovery of who I am

Where every whispered longing to be whole I ever breathed

is finally fulfilled."

--Jennifer Lynn Woodruff

This year

I need Advent...

a keeping space

This year

already for several weeks now

I am preparing

for this keeping space

I anticipate 

all that He is inviting me to

this Christmas season

I welcome

what I am 

here and now

growing into

Becoming Myself

This is the title for stasi eldredge's latest book--

"Becoming Myself--Embracing God's dream of you"

I delved into it Sunday evening and already

my spirit has been awakened.

I wrote on page 22...

"Oh my!  I love this."

She was quoting a friend, but this is what was said,

"What if

change is actually just Me(God) 

unveiling who you really are?"

Oh my!!!

Really??!!!

As in,

all this stripping of my graveclothes

and dismantling of my false self

and understanding 

these ways of pain in me

is not my doing...

but His??!!!!

Oh sure,

I know Christ is the one completing what He started in me

I know that really, it is the Holy Spirit growing my soul

I know this....

don't I????

I do

but I don't.

And I guess the above words

somehow change my focus...

from 

me

to 

Him.

Where it should be anyway.

But when I'm the one laden with graveclothes,

it does feel as though

it's my work,

my job

to strip away 

the mess I've made of myself.

2 Corinthians 3:18

reminds me--

"But we as Christians have no veil over our faces;

we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord.

And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us,

we become more and more

like Him."  LB

And Paul again,

in 1 Thessalonians 5:23,24

badgers my soul--

"Now may the God of peace Himself

sanctify you entirely,

and may your spirit

and soul

and body

be preserved complete,

without blame

at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Faithful is He who calls you,

and He also

will bring it to pass."

Oh my!

I love this:)

I'm Tired Lord...

Yesterday, my Spiritual Director began our time together

reading a prayer that began with...

"I'm tired, Lord."

At the time, this was not how I was feeling,

but later in the evening

and as I move through this day,

these are the words on my lips...
I'm tired Lord

I'm tired
and overwhelmed
 with the layer upon layer

of grave-clothes I wear.

It's how she described much of my experience right now,
 I'm like Lazarus

wrapped in cloth

or as I feel...

enshrouded in tightly wound layers

of 

anything but freedom.

We talked about 

guilt and compulsion and bondage

versus

freedom.

About 

my false self

and true self...

the me that God had in mind when I was being created

She spoke of the spiritual meaning

of attachment...

in which everything I do

has such high stakes attached,

whereas healthy detachment

is living life with open hands...

my worth and identity unattached 

to situations or outcomes.

The only healthy attachment is to Christ.

I desire to hear His gentle invitation

to remove my strips of grave-cloths

one at a time.

Why is it that today

it just feels like

"a host has encamped against me...

a war arisen with me."?  (Psalm 27:3)

I wonder--

Is there anything in me that is true?

Am I always walking through life with false motives?

Can I ever be attached

only to my Father

deriving my identity

solely from Him?

I fell asleep last night

meditating on Psalm 27:1-4

Verses which I have memorized in  years past

but came to life 

in my tired soul.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the defense of my life;

Whom shall I dread?

When evildoers come upon me to devour my flesh,

My adversaries and my enemies,

they stumbled and fell

Though a host encamp against me,

My heart will not fear;

Though war arise against me,

In spite of this I shall be confident.

One thing I have asked from the Lord

that I shall seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

all the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the Lord,

and to mediate in His temple."

Today

as I read further in this Psalm, 

I hold on to other verses...

"Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,

And be gracious to me and answer me.

When You say,
'Seek My face,'

my heart said to You,

'Your face, O Lord, I will seek.'"

  Vs. 7,8

"Teach me Your way, O Lord;

And lead me on a level path...

Vs. 11

"I would have despaired unless I had believed

that I would see the goodness of the Lord

In the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong, and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the Lord."

Vs. 13,14

And so I will cry out to my God...
for I know He is ever attentive

I will seek His face
 and
seek to rest in Him,

listen to His wise, burden-free teaching,

follow His guidance as He invites me further on the journey,

wait for Him to unravel my shroud

be strong in His strength,
and

pray for courage

Maybe tomorrow I won't be as tired...