Circle of Life

I have often heard individuals speak of the "Circle of Life" long before I was truly able to take it in.
Of course we all know that babies are born and hopefully one day grow into adulthood and then, well, die.  We know this.  But I don't think we embrace this.  Quite the opposite I would suggest.  We have no choice in our birth but somehow we try to convince ourselves that we do have a choice in when we die and we do everything we can possibly think of to avoid it.

Solomon, in the book of Ecclesiastes teaches that if we are wise we will live knowing that everything has a season and that there is indeed "a time to be born and a time to die".3:2a

Yet we know that death was never part of God's plan and is in fact the last enemy of God's to be destroyed. 1 Corinthians 15:26  Perhaps it is in our Eden mindset to seek to avoid death.

The reality is that the Circle of Life is so very strong for me right now.  My daughter-in-law's baby bump continues to grow and with a due date just two months away, the anticipation is expanding in equal proportion!  Every time I see Sonya (and I have to make a conscious effort to greet her lovely face FIRST before her belly) excitement spills out of me!  It continues to be delightfully surreal to think that my son and his wife are having a baby!!  This is the joyous beginning of that circle of life.

But someone I love very much is coming to the end of that circle of life.  Mom's cancer has spread and has been given that dreaded term of Stage Four.  There is the option of Palliative Chemo but it only buys a little more time.  There is no way out of this circle.

So I am back and forth and up and down in the midst of these two extremes.

I am invited to put my hand on Sonya's belly and I swell with squeals of joy.

I hear Mom cough and stare at her small frame at Thanksgiving dinner and know this is her last.

I see Ashley's face as she sees Sonya for the first time in 3 months and watch her eyes get big as she tells of feeling this little one kick.

I mark the dates on my calendar when my Winnipeg sister is coming to Ontario knowing that she's coming to spend time with my parents because time is not standing still.

I daydream a Christmas baby or maybe New Year's and think how it really doesn't matter when this wee one arrives.  I envision holding him/her for the first time and then wonder how much time Mom will have with her first great grandchild.

Even with my hubby's recent ankle surgery and the extra challenges which recovery and mobility issues are adding, I still pretty much know that in short time we will be back to normal.  But with Mom there is no return to "normal".  There is no treatment plan which will cure the disease raging in her body. 

I awaken each morning to new mercies and begin the day with quite often, an earnest desire and energy to fully embrace this new gift.  I'm increasingly mindful that the life I have been stewarded with is pure gift and I am drinking it in.  There is so much that is good and rich and satisfying in my life right now and I am seeking to live out my gratitude with all that I have been given.  This circle of life...the anticipated birth of my first grandchild and the hard, slow dying of my stepmom is where I live right now.  At the risk of making this all sound so simple, there is a part of it that is.  I am learning to move back and forth between the extremes in a quieter sort of way and let it all just "be". If I let this circle of life unfold as God has purposed  I am more free to to embrace the joy and yes the sadness.  I don't want to run from either.  Both the beginning of life and it's ending have much to teach me.

When He speaks to my feelings and my faith...

"The LORD is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

For he knows how weak we are;

he remembers we are only dust.

Our days on earth are like grass;

like wildflowers we bloom and die.

The wind blows, and we are gone--

as though we had never been here.

BUT

the love of the LORD remains forever

with those who fear him."

Psalm 103:13-17

When life takes a hard turn