Who Am I?

Even as I sit to write in this moment, I find my mind as empty as the page before me.  Or perhaps it's that there is sooooo much that is swirling around that I can't quite slow it all down to put it into words.

A friend and fellow blogger was writing the other day about her silent pages over the past months, and her desire to change that has sort of tweaked my desire. 

It's not that my life is boring or devoid of anything exciting.  At least to me it's not that way!  On the contrary, these past months have been overflowing with change and wonder and joy.  One can't quite move a daughter to the other side of the country without life taking on a new face.  And maybe this is part of it.  Late spring and the entire summer seemed like a surreal kind of race to the finish line--the all encompassing move.  I never could get a grasp of the new reality that was ahead of me.  It seemed an impossibility for me to pursue a new way of living without my girl nearby.  But she's been gone now almost a month and reality is slowly sinking in yet not in the way I would have expected.  Her being gone and me being here seems so right and good.  Not that I don't miss her, because I do, but I know she's supposed to be where she is.  She has fallen in love with her new home, forged strong friendships already, and is living life with a sense of freedom and happiness and delight that she never has before.  She's thriving, and I have never seen her thrive!!!  I am over the top grateful for God's gracious favor to her.  How could I want her back here when "there" is so beautiful for her soul???!!!!

So where does that leave me?  I'm not totally sure...ha,ha.  It seems a contradiction to say that I am content with my life here and yet am not exactly sure of who I am at this point in time.  It's interesting how empty nesting has taken on a more succinct flavor with a few thousand miles between us.  Even though she hasn't lived at home for 2 years, she has lived in close proximity which mean a continued reliance on me in varying forms.  That option no longer exists.  I can't just run to bring her home for an appointment, or the night, or whatever.  The tangible nature of our relationship is close to nil and this gives to me a sense of freedom that is new and  yes, welcoming.  My mothering role has changed again and though I am not rebelling against this, I'm just not sure what it all means.  This morning I sat quietly with God asking Him this very question..."Who am I?"  And once all of the "noise" of my thoughts stilled I could hear Him say simply and clearly..."You are a daughter of God."  In Christian circles this is supposed to be a no brain er, but I find it's far too easy to attach titles and roles to ourselves and thus squelch our true, and only identity.  But this morning, that all seemed stripped away and I was "only" --"a daughter of God".  And I felt peace and contentment and a safety in these gentle words from Him.

It's all I need for today.