We are a solid three weeks into a new season; my beloved autumn. I am thoroughly enjoying its emerging beauty as well as the remnants of summer's warmth.
I'm also finding myself in a new season in my spiritual life; that being a doorway into the world of prayer. Prayer has been a part of my life since I can remember. My earliest memories of prayer are of panicky pleas for something "bad not to happen". If I am gut wrenching honest, the backdrop of so much of my praying hasn't changed. I may use different words and I may sound a little more eloquent but still, I utter a plethora of requests that something "bad not happen" or that the bad that is happening will change. And perhaps this isn't completely out of line. We are to present our requests to God.(Philippians 4:6) Yet there is a whole other world of prayer to be practiced besides just this one. And although I would say I do practice adoration and confession and thanksgiving, the two sandwiched in between are ones I only dabble in. I confess.
My guide has been The Lord's Prayer, I expect one of the most recited prayers in the world today. I see with new eyes the pattern Jesus set forth for a conversation with His Father. As I seek to follow this pattern I'm beginning to see prayer as a landscape and my world is expanding because of it.
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When I spend time remembering the grandeur and beauty of my Lord I gain a new perspective.
I see His power, His limitlessness and I feel so safe and secure.
When I acknowledge and pay homage to the strength majesty of who He is--
when I worship Him as the One who is supreme and worthy of my trust--
when I recognize again my smallness and am put back into place by His sheer bigness--
when I grasp, albeit feebly the wonder of His Father love for me--
when I realize again His sacrificial rescue plan so that I could be his beloved child--
when I find myself humbled by this holy God
everything else changes.
Everything.
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If I have failed in adoring my God I have equally fallen short of confessing sin. I'm noticing a paradox as I seek to more fully practice confession. The rugged and hard terrain of confession leads me to the wonder and beauty of His holiness.
The more I allow Jesus to open the closet of my heart, the deeper my gratitude grows for Him.
The more transparent I become the clearer the magnitude of His sacrifice for me.
The more helplessly aware I am of my fallen-ness the grander the scope of His all-sufficiency
The uglier the depths of my blackness the more magnified the beauty of His purity
The more I own my utter ability to do ANYTHING to make my heart clean, the greater the knowledge and sheer gratitude for the One who shed His blood for me.
The more undone I am by my emptiness the more undone I am by His fullness.
Everything changes.
Everything.
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Perhaps we are hard wired to ask God to step in and make right whatever we feel is wrong in our lives. Perhaps it's a part of our sinful nature to have this self focus; this propensity to want life to be smooth and easy. I know that I have no problem asking, requesting, begging and pleading with God for what I want...for myself and others. And all of these forms of petition are scriptural by the way. Even Jesus it seems to me, came awfully close to pleading with God to avoid the cross. So I'm not suggesting that we can't pray fervently, longingly or desperately. That which is changing my focus is perspective. I will continue to "go out on a limb" and request God's intervention in both the minuscule and colossal issues of life. But I will seek to keep the grandeur and beauty and strength of an Almighty God in view.
When I ask, I want to remember that he is such a good, good Father.
When I request a change of direction for someone I love, I hope to remember that He loves them more than I ever could.
When I fall to my knees pleading for "this cup to pass", I desire to believe that His Sovereign ways are where I need to bank my faith...and not my feelings.
When I beg for the end of suffering, I yearn to hold on to
hesed and know that He does EVERYTHING by His covenant faithfulness.
When I am tempted to think that I or someone else "needs" His rescuing, may I quickly be reminded that we have already been rescued once and it was pure grace.
God owes me nothing.
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Many years ago during a very dark season of my life I began a practice of finding something each day to give thanks for. It became a picture of hope for me as I began to notice the ways in which God was present in the midst of the horror. I somehow grew out of this habit, I suppose as life became more manageable. Several years ago I was prompted to begin a Eucharisteo Journal. Author and speaker Ann Voskamp expands on the word Eucharisteo --
Eucharisteo, thanksgiving,
envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis.
But it also holds its derivative,
the Greek word chara, meaning “joy.”
Charis. Grace.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.
Chara. Joy.
There is such deep meaning in these few words which I won't delve into now, but suffice it is to say that they have together encapsulated what it means for me to record that which I am thankful for. I list anything and everything --
early morning rain, home all day, letting go, anti-anxiety meds, grace for myself, answers to prayer, my plants, Jesus still working on me, the luxury of dentists in our country (and I strongly dislike dentists!!), candles, courage, our home, understanding each other, the lather of soap in my hands, the power of God, a set aside time to grieve, home made soup, Day of Solitude, calmer today, laughter, grace from Jesus. etc.
It's good and necessary for me not only to practice thanksgiving but also to write it down.
Because I can easily skip over the simple, mundane gifts of living here on this planet
Because I need to return to the pages of my journal and be reminded--that God is gracious
Because it's ever so easy to take for granted the untold privileges I enjoy in this country
Because it curbs my complaining spirit
Because God is worthy of nothing less than my full-out gratitude
Always
All of this awakening within and still--have I even touched the edges of prayer?
Timothy Keller in his book "Prayer" speaks these words,
"To pray is to accept that we are,
and always will be,
wholly dependent on God for
everything."
If all that this awakening produces is a more humble, dependent spirit I am content. Until the next path of discovery.
