Broken

Today

I am broken

I know...we are a broken people

and every day we touch the edges of our brokenness in some capacity

But today

I 

feel

broken

All of me

Body, soul, spirit

I got caught again

in the cycle 

I nursed  discontent with my limitations

and  overextended myself

I pressed in strong and "savior-like" to encourage and support

the hurting

but

didn't trust enough

in God...

the only Savior's 

all encompassing care

I failed to rest when I was tired--

there was always more to do

My ear was deaf to His invitation 

and instead listened to voices inside my head--

ones which shouted of the perceived expectations of others

But

It is a grace from God

that once again

I hear His voice of truth

and

partake of His forgiveness

and 

rest in His mercy

Kara Tippets 

a cancer fighter 

speaks these words--

"I see my biggest strength

as my weakness and my neediness

and I wake up everyday

and 

I 

need 

Jesus"

Her words grabbed my attention yesterday

for several reasons--

I don't like my weakness, my neediness!

I don't like this broken way of living that I continue to succumb to!

I long to live free!

But my weakness drives me to Jesus

and reminds me how small I am

and how desperately I need Him!

Just like Paul with his thorn in the flesh

I would rather my thorn be taken away--

yet this does not seem to be God's way

He would rather my thorn 

keep me on my knees

dependent

only on Him 

I am broken

every day

but today it seeps through all of the cracks of my being

I lift my neediness up to God

and invite Him to

quiet my soul