I Am Not

"Life is the tale of two stories--one finite and frail, the other eternal and enduring.  The tiny one--the story of us--is as brief as the blink of an eye.  Yet somehow our infatuation with our own little story--and our determination to make it as big as we possibly can--blinds us to the massive God Story that surrounds us on every side."

And so speaks the first paragraph of Louie Giglio's book, "i am not but i know I AM--Welcome to the Story of God.". 

http://www.amazon.ca/Am-Not-But-Know-Welcome/dp/1590522753/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296262718&sr=1-1


 Perhaps a somewhat awkward sounding title, but it's pages are anything but awkward.  The words being driven into my soul are re-framing how I think about my life's story.

It could just be my sense, but I am wondering if we Christ followers in general have become somewhat wrapped up in our own personal stories.  We often talk about "my story" and our quest to see God intersect throughout the pages of "our lives".  In seasons of intense struggle, loss or suffering, we sooooo crave to see His handwriting on the parchment of our everyday living.  At least these are laments I hear, and ones which I have expressed myself.

And don't we so deeply desire our stories to be full and big and yes, even glamorous?  I do.  It's been a road that I've been on since I was a little girl and began hearing the age old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  And now that I am grown up (or so they tell me), I'm still reading through the pages of my life and wondering if it's full or big or glamorous.  Okay, so it's definitely not  glamorous.

Don't get me wrong.  Desiring to see God's hand print is what often encourages and spurs us on.  I'm just thinking that we need to reverse our thinking.  Perhaps we need to let God take His rightful place, and we ours.  It's God's story that should get center stage.  And yes we are a part of His story, but oh such a tiny, minuscule part.

I'm quite sure that if I had even a glimpse of the far reaching height and depth of the tapestry He's weaving, I would be more content with the single thread that I am.  If I wholly believed that His plans are sovereign and good, I'm sure I would more graciously accept the way in which He's weaving the events of my life.

Like I said, there's a re-framing of my mind going on.  And if it means opening the eyes of my heart to the bigness of my God
    and realizing the 
           smallness that is me,
than I say, "Come Holy Spirit and teach me."