Waiting

"OUR HEARTS--

our spirits--

wait for the coming of the Christ child.

We have worked hard during this Advent season

to listen to God's voice,

to turn over our fears and worries,

to make a place in all the chaos 

to be able to welcome God into our lives and hearts.

During these last days of Advent,

we continue to wait.

May these final days

include times of quiet.

Open wide the door to our hearts.

Let there be spaces,

silences,

and open places.

Let us give ourselves

the gift of time."

--Beth A. Richardson

"Child of Light"

"Christmas will be good as long as...."

"Ultimately

life is good

as long as...."

How would you fill in the blank?

As long as...

my health is good

As long as...

I have a satisfying career

As long as...

I have deep friendships

It's a question my Spiritual Director

has invited me to sift through,

with two types of relationships in mind--

Horizontal relationships...

meaning the people in my life and 

corresponding life's circumstances

And my Vertical relationship...

that which I share with God 

When I'm dependent on people around me 

for the goodness of my life

I immediately run into problems

Because people let me down

and 

life falls apart

and 

my goals are blocked

and 

sometimes my family

doesn't like my dinner

But if 

"ultimately life is good as long as...

I have God,"

the picture looks so different.

Because God

is always present

and God

brings good out of life's pain

and God

never tires of listening to my heart's cry

and God

is my constant

Refuge,

Strength,

Guide,

Hope,

Comfort,

and Lover.

 As I have been turning these myriad of thoughts 

over in my mind,

I hear Him inviting me to respond to 

another question--

"Christmas will be good as long as...." 

As long as what?

Am I going to focus on people and events

for Christmas to hold goodness?

Am I expecting

a Hallmark Christmas card

with a white Christmas

and 

relational bliss,

perfect meals,

quiet evenings

and 

no disappointments??

If so,

I will surely have my spirits dashed 

and deem the goodness of Christmas accordingly.

But if Christmas is solely dependent on my Jesus

it will ultimately be good,

regardless of how life unfolds.

And it's wise for me to look at my heart

in this regard

because 

despite all of the planned celebrations of this season

this is a pretty broken world

and I too

am broken

I

yearn for peace beyond my understanding

and hope in the midst of pain

and guidance in the face of uncertainty

and comfort to cover the edges of disappointment

and rest within the realms of busyness

and love when I'm let down

and I will ONLY

find this in my Jesus!!!

No one and nowhere else

can I turn to

to provide me with a good Christmas.

Christmas will be good as long as I have my Jesus.

 

 

Going Deeper in Advent

"Each day of this Advemt.

we enter deeper into the story of Christ...

and enter deeper into Him.

And it's Him who gives us eyes

to really see."

--Ann Voskamp

"The Greatest Gift"

It's what I have desired for weeks now

back in the beginning days of November

when I was already preparing

for this season of Advent.

To "enter deeper into Him"

It's not a move that just happens

It requires intentionality

a keeping space

for this One who so willingly

holds me in the depths of His being

It's not just a yearning of my soul

It's a need

I need to "enter deeper into Him"

The churning of life around me 

means one of two things--

either I succumb to it's ways

or 

plunge into

His ways

Psalm 139:23,24

is my Advent prayer for the rest of the season--

"Search me, O God,

and know my heart;

Try me

and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any way of pain in me,

And lead me in the everlasting way."

There is something so incredibly beautiful and welcoming,

so rich in security

to have God "know my heart"

Isn't this the treasure of Advent?

His coming for us....

for me...

that I might know His heart for me

and give my heart to Him

for the knowing.

A beautiful exchange.

 

Home for the Holidays

 "Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays,

For no matter how far away you roam--

When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,

For the holidays--you can't beat home, sweet home!"

She's home!!!!

My girl is home for the holidays:)

I picked her up from university yesterday

Brought her home to her room all decorated for Christmas

She hasn't slept in her bed since September.

Today we went Christmas shopping together

cuz she wanted her "Mama to come along".

Tonight she's making very unhealthy treats for Christmas

Tomorrow I will tackle the mound of laundry

she's been saving just for me!!

And woven throughout is lots of listening and laughing and loving

with some threads of stress and tears crisscrossing 

the pattern

Because we're girls

and that's what life as girls is like.

It's good to have her home...really good.

"...if you want to be happy in a million ways,

For the holidays--you can't beat home sweet home."

--The Carpenters

 

When Gratitude is Too Small A Word

Maybe it's my mood today.

Perhaps it's that it's been 5 years
Or the reality that so many I hold dear are facing a Christmas
marked by the loss of someone they love.
Regardless of the reason,
I am keenly aware that it could have been me
alone
this Christmas again

Five years ago today
my husband suffered a heart attack
followed by open heart surgery 8 days later.

But he's not medically supposed to be here today.
The blood clot "should" have taken his last breath away
Many others never have the sudden pain in their chest disappear
For countless individuals the blood clot doesn't dissipate.
It blocks the flow of life-giving blood
and quickly takes one's life
and changes forever
the lives of everyone else.

And I will never know why
God wrapped me in mercy
Why my children are still enjoying the gift of a father
Why I am still living life
with the man I love

I will never know the why's
but I will forever be filled with deepest gratitude
And both of us
will continue to breathe the air we're given
as individuals
and as a couple
to love and  bless others.

"Another Year Has Gone By"

"So many 25th's of December

Just as many 4th of July's

And we're still building it together

It only comes down to you and I

I know you can still remember

Things we said right from the start

When we said that this could be special

I'm keeping those words deep down in my heart

Another year has gone by

And I'm still the one by your side

After everything that's gone by

There's still no one saying goodbye

Though another year has gone by

And we're still holding hands when we're walking

Acting like we've only just met

But how could that be--when there's so much history

Guess that's how true lovers can get

Another year has gone by."

Bryan Adams 

So Much...Oh so Much!

So much for my soul this Advent season...

The waiting,

the anticipation,

the longing

for what God has for me

is finally here.

The desire to sit at His feet

came early

too early if you noticed.

 I pushed into Advent

seven days early,

as shared in my recent post

"Advent's Awakening".

Without lifting the calender page

I expected only 3 Sunday's before Christmas

in December,

but no,

there are 4.

And so I began reading "old" Advent devotionals

over a week ago!!

Eager,  yes:)

But yesterday

 I opened my new book for the season

on schedule...

Ann Voskamp's

"The Greatest Gift"

Oh so rich and full

"...the heart that makes time and space for Him to come

will be a glorious place."

"Advent, it is made of moments.

This slow unfurling of grace."

Ann Voskamp

It was a couple of months ago that my Spiritual Director

made this statement--

"Maybe you will decide not to help anyone during Advent Season

and just focus on God."

In the moment

and even still

that sounded so selfish

and so impossibly possible!!!!

To "just" sit with God

in December

and shut out this

torn,

broken,

pain-ridden

world????!!!!!!!

I have prayed and listened for God's invitation

to 

whatever He was calling me to.

And though He hasn't invited me to

a place at His feet 

for the entire month,

He most assuredly

has invited me to long and leisurely

times in His Presence

And there is so much...

oh so much!!!

Advent's Awakening

..."The Lord is with you."

--Luke 1:28b

Such beautiful words for Mary's heart.

But read the context and you will quickly discover

the 

perfect

timing

in which they came to her ears.

The angel Gabriel gave Mary this promise

BEFORE

he shared with her

that which would change her life forever.

And yesterday morning

as I sat in my pew at church

listening to my pastor read this passage of scripture

I grabbed on to the reality of what this meant for Mary

of what it means for me.

His Presence is here

before anything 

enters my life.

Oh how I need His Presence.

Today marks one week since my mother-in-law

has been in hospital.

A week of roller coaster emotions

with so much unknown.

Last evening seemed a turning point

and

today...

"home" was mentioned for the first time.

No date set yet, but 

it's on the horizon.

I shared with Mum...and Dad sitting at her bedside

the depth of Gabriel's words...

the comfort and assurance and provision

of his message to Mary..and to us...

Presence comes first.

Presence comes before the bad news or good news

Presence

before whatever it is that will change my day

of my life

Presence enshrouds me in

love and care and security

His Presence.

As the first days of Advent pass

how rich it is 

to know I'm walking into the unknown

in His Presence.

I

Commencement

Congrats my girl!!!!!!!!!

November Sunset

This year...

"This year needs Advent;

needs a keeping space

Of silence and of darkness nearing down,

Someplace where all that can be still is stilled...

Where there is less of me and more of grace.

There in the waiting moments you have willed

Lies healing for an often-wounded soul,

The deep recovery of who I am

Where every whispered longing to be whole I ever breathed

is finally fulfilled."

--Jennifer Lynn Woodruff

This year

I need Advent...

a keeping space

This year

already for several weeks now

I am preparing

for this keeping space

I anticipate 

all that He is inviting me to

this Christmas season

I welcome

what I am 

here and now

growing into

Becoming Myself

This is the title for stasi eldredge's latest book--

"Becoming Myself--Embracing God's dream of you"

I delved into it Sunday evening and already

my spirit has been awakened.

I wrote on page 22...

"Oh my!  I love this."

She was quoting a friend, but this is what was said,

"What if

change is actually just Me(God) 

unveiling who you really are?"

Oh my!!!

Really??!!!

As in,

all this stripping of my graveclothes

and dismantling of my false self

and understanding 

these ways of pain in me

is not my doing...

but His??!!!!

Oh sure,

I know Christ is the one completing what He started in me

I know that really, it is the Holy Spirit growing my soul

I know this....

don't I????

I do

but I don't.

And I guess the above words

somehow change my focus...

from 

me

to 

Him.

Where it should be anyway.

But when I'm the one laden with graveclothes,

it does feel as though

it's my work,

my job

to strip away 

the mess I've made of myself.

2 Corinthians 3:18

reminds me--

"But we as Christians have no veil over our faces;

we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord.

And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us,

we become more and more

like Him."  LB

And Paul again,

in 1 Thessalonians 5:23,24

badgers my soul--

"Now may the God of peace Himself

sanctify you entirely,

and may your spirit

and soul

and body

be preserved complete,

without blame

at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Faithful is He who calls you,

and He also

will bring it to pass."

Oh my!

I love this:)