How Less Becomes More

I'm not sure that I can adequately put thoughts and words on a page

to explain how

less

becomes

more--

But it does.

Such a gracious invitation from my Father

this Lenten season

to live

less

At first it was hard

a warring, struggling hard

A sobering, shame-filled hard

But that has changed

as less

becomes

more

Less trips to the grocery store to buy ingredients

for a new recipe

Less food on my plate

so that my stomach is comfortable

not stuffed

Less errands for 

more clutter that I don't need

Less indulging my physical appetite

when it's my spiritual appetite

that needs to be 

insatiable

And because there's been less

there's been more--

More freedom within

More emptying of self

More opening of my spirit

More unclenching of my hands

More "travel time" with Jesus

More

Quite simply

less

is

more

I Think Everything is About Surrender :)

It doesn't seem to matter whether

I'm preparing my heart for Christmas

or Easter

or just walking through the mundane of life...

the act of surrender

is begging for my deep places.

And I suppose this makes sense

because my tendency to

fit my life into a neat and tidy box

is always on my agenda

which means I'm continually caught between

what I want

and what Jesus wants.

Henri J. M. Nouwen in his book

"The Road to Daybreak:  A Spiritual Journey"

echoes my thoughts exactly--

"This morning during my hour of prayer,

I tried to come to some level of abandonment

to my heavenly Father.

It was a hard struggle

since so much in me wants to do my will,

realize my plans,

organize my future,

and make my decisions.

Still,

I know that true joy comes

from letting God love me the way God wants...

it is hard for me to say,

'I shall gratefully accept everything, Lord,

that pleases You.

Let Your will be done.'

But I know that when I truly believe my Father is pure love,

it will become increasingly possible

to say these words from the heart."

That's me!!!

And I just love when someone I consider to 

have been an intimate companion of God,

is so raw

and honest

and compelling.

My yesterday just happened to be a day which called for

a greater level of surrender than usual.

And it's the same today

and will be again tomorrow.

That's because I'm waiting for answers to a medical unknown

in the life of one I desperately love. 

I can't control the outcome

I can't provide the answers

I can't dish out peace and rest for her

or for myself

I can only fret and run wild with my thoughts 

OR

I can surrender all

to "my Father's pure love"

I chose surrender yesterday

I'm choosing it today

I pray for grace to choose it tomorrow.

And I Find Myself Wanting...

"Lent is a time of returning to God.

It is a time to confess how we keep looking for

joy, peace, and satisfacation

in many people and things surrounding us,

without really finding what we desire.

Only God can give us what we want...

Lent is a time of refocusing,

of reentering the place of truth,

of reclaiming our true identity."

--Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Sabbatical Journey:  The Diary of His Final Year"

This has been such a warring beginning of Lent for me.

I was not expecting to feel the pull so intensely

 towards pleasure.

A quiet, but persistent

"I want"

murmurs within.

"I want...

another helping of dinner."

"I want...

that delectable taste of chocolate"

"I want...

that aromatic candle...

or spring napkins...

or new magazine."

Sitting quiet with Jesus and these thoughts

has not relived them.

I am not craving evil pleasures

My pleasures, if I succumbed to them,

would not break the bank

But they are breaking a part of my heart.

The part that thought I was "above"

incessant wanting.

The part that thought I could just give up some pleasures

without struggle

and simply settle into 

the pleasure of God

But it hasn't been this way

And so I keep waiting

and asking...

"Why is all "this" binding me so?

Eventually I will hear the gentleness of His voice

and understand a deeper need in my soul

For now I let the dissonance just be

Words--A Guide For My Lenten Journey

"We Walk into this into this Lenten journey

with both timidity and courage as our guides...

committing to pray all the prayers we need to pray,

all the prayers we want to pray,

all the prayers we do not yet know

need to be prayed.

We walk into this Lenten journey

because we want to follow You.

so,

breathing in this silence,

trusting in Your way,

lead us,

O Holy One,

toward the import of Your love.

Amen."

--Claire McKeever-Burgett

"Alive Now"

It has begun

this journey of Lent

Words have been given me by God

these past few days

Words to guide me on this Lenten journey

Less and More

Simple and Extravagant

Examen and Freedom

Invitation

Less of what I want

and 

More time spent learning what 

He wants

Simple in how I'm living

yet

reflections on the extravagance of Jesus' sacrifice

A daily Examen Exercise

but the glorious reality of

the freedom Christ bought for me

And all of this

under the umbrella of

His invitation

Oh how attentive I want to be

that I may hear Him

invite me to the paths which will lead me to

a closer walk with Him.

It's what Lent all is about... really

clearing more space

for Jesus

And it's what I'm purposing for these coming days

More

and 

more 

space

for

Him.

Kyrie, Kyrie, Eleison

"Kyrie, Kyrie, eleison...

Christe, Christe, eleison...

Lord, Lord have mercy...

Christ, Christ have mercy."

This is my prayer of 

petition

and homage

and gratitude

How aware I have become of my sin.

How I desire to pay homage to

my merciful Lord and Jesus Christ.

How deeply grateful I am for His new mercies each morning...

this morning

The reflective season of Lent is on the horizon

A season which grows in me year after year

Fresh understanding...

new insights into this contemplative

40 day period

are stirring creativity within

The Spirit's whisper--

His opening of the curtain of my soul

has revealed the entanglement to the world

in me

1 John 2:15-16

holds nothing back in it's challenge--

"Do not love the world,

nor the things in the world.

If anyone loves the world,

the love of the Father is not in him.

for all that is in the world,

the lust of the flesh

and

the lust of the eyes

and

the boastful pride of life,

is not from the Father,

but is from the world."

Such harsh words--

such shame that I must apply them to my own life

The subtle allure of the world

has gained a foothold

"I want"

becomes

"Because I can"

becomes

"I deserve"

And quickly,

that which is not evil in and of itself,

becomes a god I begin to pay my allegiance to.

I have become 

indulgent

prideful

intoxicated,

by the things of the world

How timely it is then, that Lent is so near!

For what better time to shed this growing cloak of sin!!

What better Person to cleanse me of my mislaid passions

than the Passionate Christ!

What better time to have Him dismantle another stone 

from 

"my kingdom home"!

What better time to forsake what I've been building

and return to joining Him

in what He is building--

His kingdom!

I begin this season,

even today

in the joyous freedom of

repentance

release

and

surrender

"Renew me, O God,

by your far-reaching grace.

Restore me, O God,

to your life-giving truth

that the kingdom, power and glory

are yours at this moment,

on this day,

for all time.

Amen."

--Pamela Hawkins

"The Awkward Season:  Prayers for Lent"

Putting Together the Pieces

For some, when I mention

"The Imperials",

a trip down memory lane immediately takes place.

This contemporary Christian music band

was popular in my younger days

but one of their songs resurfaced in my mind recently

"Pieces"

The lyrics continue to play through my mind--

"Pieces, pieces

so many pieces to my life

Scattered all around

And some of them are gone

And I know that I can't ever

Put them back together again

In a vision, like a daydream

That filters through my mind

I saw Jesus coming closer

Holding all my hopes combined

He spoke with great compassion

As He put one hand on me

And in His other hand He held

What I could never see

He said, 'Pieces, Pieces

I've got all the pieces to your life

A thousand tiny fragments

of every single day

I can put them all together

And there'll never be another one who can'"

Over the past weeks 

there has continued to be this 

beautiful awareness of

the sovereignty of God
 in my life

What has always felt like

"so many pieces to my life

scattered all around"--

is now emerging as purposeful 

in the Hands of the One

Who is putting them all together

Yes
The puzzle remains unfinished

Yes
There is still mystery

But it all seems so much more ordered
as I have turned my focus
from the pieces
to Him

 I carry a growing sense
that this puzzle
that is my life
is in good and wise and strong Hands

There's an increasing safety and comfort and contentment
in releasing the mystery
to Him

Such a freeing
calming
journey
to be on

Gift

Winter's Abundance

Reign in Me

He's just so far beyond my 

comprehension!

The distance between us,

though intimate

in relationship,

is immeasurably  vast

I suppose that it has been my 

finite

human ways

which have sought to trap

God in a box

This innate

"need"

to understand Him,

to be able to explain His actions

to crave a place of comfort

in the face of

His judgements 

All of this

has prevented me from seeing

all of Him

But that's changing!

As I delve into His character

I see a God

who is

incomparable

invisible

inscrutable

unchangeable

unequaled

unsearchable

infinite

That's where I ended today...

infinite

Solomon, in 1 Kings 8:27 reminds me of this--

"But will God indeed dwell on the earth?

Behold, heaven

and the highest heaven cannot contain Thee,

how much less this house which I have build!"

Baker's Commentary points me to this beautiful reality--

"Solomon has built the temple,

it remains for the infinite Lord,

whose existence is beyond comprehension, 

to choose to dwell in it

among a finite needy people."

This God

of mind blowing character

chooses,

not just to live among us,

but to live

within

us.

He lives

within 

finite,

needy

me.

I'm beyond grateful

that He lives

in me

But I desire more...

I want Him to

reign

in

me

Oh to rid my life

of this box I've had God in

and allow Him

free reign

in my life!

The corners have split open

the sides have been pulled apart

and I am beholding

Him!

Humbled.

It's Growing

A new level of peace

a deeper confidence

a stronger trust

They're all growing within me

It's as though God and I are on the same page right now

I'm so determined to do what I can

to foster a fuller awareness 

and faith

in His sovereignty

and

He is eager to drench me with His truth

and unite my heart 

with His

Isaiah 30:18,19 reads--

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,

and therefore He waits on high to have

compassion on you...

How blessed are all those who long for Him."

I love this intimate partnership

with God

Ann Voskamp

in her book

"The Greatest Gift"

makes this challenging statement--

"When the King rules your world,

you cease to rule

or worry.

All worry dethrones God.

All worrying makes you King

and God incompetent.

There is a King...

on the throne.

You can breathe."

I'm struck by her rebuke--

"All worry dethrones God.

All worrying makes you King

and God incompetent"

Ouch.

That's so not how I want to live my life...

but far too often

I do

And whether the Spirit is granting me 

moments of clarity,

or my heart is just well past tired

of living with fear,

or it's a combination,

I don't know

What I do know 

is that I'm breathing calmer these days

I'm resting in the King

who rules my world

I want to stay

 

Always Discovering

At times

I lament my slow learning curve

And yet,

the opposite is to refuse grow at all

or to be so arrogant as to think 

there's no more room for growing.

So I will welcome the learning and discovering

as slow paced as it may be

and I will rejoice in a God

who so patiently

and intimately

unveils Himself

to me.

My time with my Spiritual Director yesterday

was heavy.

Good, necessary, and the place I needed to go

but somewhat overwhelming all the same.

Fear

or more aptly

my fear--

My fears of future "what if's",

of loss and illness

No one who knows me well would be

surprised that I struggle with fear

And truly

I would love to be free of it!

But how?

When?

God knows I've tried!!!

I listened quietly 

as my Spiritual Director

talked of God and His sovereignty,

and all that this encompasses,
and then how we
in our brokenness
often create our own theology of God.

 I wrote down the pathways she suggested

I take 

in order to move towards healing and freedom

and away from the grip of fear.

This morning I started reading one of the scripture passages

she gave me

and the discovering began.

What follows is the unfolding of my time with 

God and His Word.

(Incidentally, the best way for me to read and take in scripture

is to follow a pattern which Ruth Haley Barton lays out--

Read, Reflect, Respond, Rest, Resolve.

As I'm reading a portion of scripture I "listen" to 

what grabs my attention

and then focus on those words)

Read:  

1 Samuel 2:1-11

"The Lord kills,

The Lord gives life.

Some He cause to be poor

And others to be rich.

He cuts one down

and lifts another up...

For all the earth is the Lord's

And He has set the world in order." (vs. 6,7,8b LB)

Reflect:  

"This is indeed a difficult passage.

'The Lord kills.'

Wow!

He causes some to be poor and others rich.

It doesn't sound loving or kind.

Yet....

that presupposes that I am the one

who knows what is loving and kind...

that I am the one who is

all wise,

all knowing....

Hannah understood God in a far reaching way.

I am becoming more aware of how I limit God,

how I try to keep Him in a box of my own making.

That way I can feel "safe".

Otherwise God becomes too big to control...

out of control...

unsafe.

'For all the earth is the Lord's

and He has set the world in order.'

Yet there is something strangely freeing

about allowing God to be God. 

Less energy and work on my part

trying to explain Him,

control Him,

"anticipate" His actions,

understand His actions.

I can let God "be".

Take my hands off.

Rest in my "being" as a finite human

and rest in Him as infinite."

Respond:

"God,

thankyou for this glimpse of freedom;

this unveiling of my face to see Yours more clearly.

'...whenever a man turns to the Lord,

the veil is taken away.

Now the Lord is the Spirit;

and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

there is liberty(freedom)'

2 Corinthians 3:116,17

"God, You are transforming me

into the same image(Your image)" vs. 18

which sounds so incredibly radical....

 that I could actually be

becoming more like You!!!!

I am grateful for Your unveiling

of my heart today."

Rest:

In the vastness...

the "bigness" 

of God

Resolve:

To keep my heart turned to the Lord

so that He might remove more of the veil.

  Yesterday

as I turned on to my street

following my time with

Ingrid

I heard the song

"Make Me"

by Sidewalk Prophets

Some of it was exactly what Ingrid and I

had talked about together

And while I can't say that I am able to sing the words with gusto

I am at least humming along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqap3BvxJAw

A New Year--Reframing Life

"The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime

and His song will be with me in the night.

A prayer to the God of my life."

--Psalm 42:8

 

This beloved verse of mine

now reads as

my verse for the coming year.

Really I came across several to choose from

to encompass what I believe God is calling me to

in 2014--

that's the beauty of God's Word--

it's wealth of life-giving truths!

Still I've always found this verse to cover all of life...

each 24 hour day is

overwhelmed with God's lovingkindness--

He commands it!!!

And my slumber is filled with His lullabies.

He IS 

the God of my life.

Yet the truth is...

I often lose sight of Him

as the dailyness of life unfolds.

And neither God 

nor I

are content with this.

Not that God is hounding me

but rather

continuously drawing me back from the "cares" of life

 to  refocus on Him

How I long for this too--

a steady gaze into my Father's face.

Sigh.

How differently I would walk through the

upheaval,

stresses,

untimely news,

conflict,

disappointment,

struggles,

if I had my soul turned to Him

always.

Which is why I hear Him inviting me to

reframe life

Reframe it in the way He had begun teaching me

prior to Christmas

Reframing it by living TRUE

 to this statement --

"Life will be good 

as long as I have my Jesus"

Over and over again I see my dependence

on life's circumstances

to make life good

And just as often

 I am left

reeling from whatever it was

that threw me off balance

All because my focus was askew

So I suppose in some ways

there is a simplicity to His invitation--

Look to ME child

And that I find beautiful and freeing and rich

The hard part is knowing

my broken way of living

and how easily the eyes of my soul

fall away

But I keep hearing His life-giving invitation

and it's just so welcoming...

I can't ignore it...

I gratefully accept