The Comfort in Memories

Dear Mom...
It's been three months since your home-going.  At times it still feels like a dream and then it hits me and I absorb it again.

I wondered/worried if your final breath- labored, sufferings days would be what colored my memories of you, but oh, "PTL", as you would say, this is not the case!

I am visiting memories of you as though a dear friend.  It's such a stark contrast to the grief I've known for my mother Violet.  With her I have but one memory and it is faint.

With you, the memories are vivid and a warmth for my spirit.  The oft used phrase "may memories comfort you" is so alive for me.  Perhaps this is because you were such a vivacious woman with an expressive personality.

I can still hear your engaging laughter

I can picture the way you would strike a pose if one of us noticed a new blouse/hair style

 I hear the inflection in your voice as you dramatized a story

I see your dramatic facial expressions corresponding to the moment

I remember the ways in which you expressed annoyance or joy, disgust or delight--fully and with body and soul!

I remember the ways in which you gulped down life.

All of you participated in life which is what made your cancer journey so heart wrenching for you and for me...for all of us.  Watching you fade broke my heart.  When you could no longer be you in all of your glory, I wanted you free to experience the fullness of glory.

And so here I am, missing the fullness that is you but sifting through memories as a beautiful grace of God.  I love you Mom.  Thank you for living such an exuberant life!!