A Holy Summons

"A crisis is a holy summons to cross a threshold.

It involves both a leaving behind and a stepping forward,

a separation and an opportunity."

"When The Heart Waits"

Sue Monk Kidd

Covid-19 comes to us during Lent.  Did we realize this?  With all the panic of a pandemic closing in on our world, it's understandable that we would lose sight of the season we were in the midst of.  It makes sense.  Very few of us, if any have not felt the normalcy of life uprooted from us.  We still find this "new normal" surreal.  

It is in recent days where I am beginning to notice a clarity of desire emerging. I'm not one to "waste" life's moments.  I am always looking for purpose and meaning in the midst of whatever is unfolding around me.  Our current world reality is no different.  I'm aware of how life-giving the quiet slowness is for me.  How restful my spirit is in this time of isolation; how freeing it is to be free of expectations.  I'm also aware how quickly I can jeopardize the calm by too much time on my phone or computer.  Continually adding "just one more person to check in on" soon creates a sense of overload.  And so I scale back...way back.  Not because I want to but because I need to. 

The knowledge that one day we will all return to some level of normalcy has me asking very important and challenging questions.  How do I want to re-enter that world?  Who do I want to be when the barriers begin to be lifted?  What do I need to begin to change now so that I may re-enter with wisdom?

Because I don't want to be everything that I was. 

Parts of me are quick to do what I think others expect of me.  Other parts are pulled to "doing" in ways which deplete me, while knowing...deeply know,  that for me, simply "being" is what fills me.  To my great dismay, I spend far too much time looking over my shoulder to see if what I am doing meets approval.  This is not who I want to be or how I want to live. 

Right now I have this amazing gift of experiencing life without its normal pressures.  But within this gift is another gift-- this gift of time in which God and I have the opportunity to do the hard work of "leaving behind and stepping forward" as Sue Monk Kidd expresses.  For me, this is a crisis of my soul and I hear this "holy summons to cross the threshold."  It's clearer every day that which I need to separate from and the fresh opportunity which lies ahead.  It's all a gift.

Lent is to challenge us the same way.  After 40 days many of us hope to have changed in some way, to have seen our bankruptcy of soul in the light of Christ's blood shed love for us.  That Covid and Lent are colliding is powerful. 

Such a holy summons!