"O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree"

I decorated our Christmas tree tonight.  The one that comes to within an inch of the ceiling.  It's ginormous, and we love it!!  Usually we look for one around 6 feet, but the nursery only had  7-8 foot Balsam fir, and I certainly was not going home "tree-less"!!!   The scent of Balsam draws me to inhale deeper.  It's difficult, but I patiently wait a couple of days for the branches to relax before hauling out all the decorations.

And so, in a quiet house, with Christmas music cheering me on, I began the yearly event.  It is always a nostalgic affair, and at times bittersweet.  Memories often come flooding back of times past.  I carefully place the ornament displaying my mother's picture in the center of the tree, remembering those seasons of deep grief.  I am able to smile and move on and not be catapulted into the sadness. 

I love how the majority of the ornaments remind me of the giver. 

Hand-made decorations made by the small hands of my children many years ago. 

The "five gold rings" ornament given to celebrate my husband's 5 years of sobriety.  That was 18 years ago!! 

A beautiful Betsie Goodman ball of a sleeping baby, given when Cam was born.  It tugs at my heart as I hang it on the tree, feeling the thousands of miles which separate us at present.

Oh, and the hand painted ball which traveled all the way from the Czech Republic, one of many treasured ornaments from a long-time friend.   

Hope are the words on one decoration.  It was what I so desparately needed for some very long, dark, pain-filled years. 

Speaking of hope, my Toronto Maple Leaf ball is sitting quietly beside, but in front of Brian's Boston Bruin Ball.  I wonder how long it will take him to notice my subtle hint.  I wonder how long I will have to hope before my Leaf's get their game together :) 

It was a gentle, happy-sad walk down memory lane tonight.  I suppose it's a reminder that my decorated tree is full of the bitter and the sweet, sort of like life.  And that's okay, because it's what makes living rich and full and wonderfully authentic.

Time to dim the lights, settle in with a warm blanket and enjoy.