Romancing my Soul

God is romancing my soul.  I first read this phrase in a book, "Captivating--Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul" by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Stasi talked about needing God to show her that He loved her, that she was worth fighting for.  When I read her words, I knew I needed romancing too.  I was in the midst of my darkest valley of depression, and I was desparate for any tangible sign that God was actually fighting for me...it certainly didn't feel like it!

I need romancing again.

It's been a week and a half of dark clouds again...some of them, eerily sinister.  And although 11 days doesn't sound very long, each 24 hour period is weighing on my spirit.  This is what I wrote in my journal this morning:
"God...this is not fun.  I feel tortured.  How do we get through this?  It feels sooooo hard, so overwhelming, so endless.  And yet we've done this all before countless times.  I know what to do.  I just keep inviting You into the torture and mindlessness of it all.  I want  you to show me You are here, but I know You are.  Everytime I see the cardinal... and hear him sing...out here on my bird feeder, I know You are here.  ThankYou for Your romances seeking to infiltrate this dreadful encasing of my being.  I need them.  I need You."

He is what I need.  It sounds simple...wait on Him...rest in Him...focus on Him.  But I don't find it simple.  It's painstaking work to" take every thought captive to Christ."( 2 Cor. 10:5)  It's a challenge not to become disheartened.  It's laborious to once again accept life as it is and adjust accordingly. 

But it's what I'm seeking after...His kingdom(Matthew 6:33)...which is so not like my kingdom.  It's where I desire the Holy Spirit to direct me..."into the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ."(2 Thessalonians3:5)  This is truly my heart's passion.

And He must be passionate about me, because His romancing of my soul stirs me, ever so slowly yet purposefully.

I'm ever grateful God.