Courage Defined

I have the "Concise Roget's International Thesaurus  lying on the desk in front of me.  I am looking to see how the experts define courage.  Words and phrases such as "brave, face up to, meet head-on, go eye-ball-to-eyeball, not shrink from, bite the bullet, grapple with, march up to the canon's mouth", all intended to define courage.  However, if I were called upon to give a precise definition for courage, I would write in bold, capital letters, a name or two.  Because I know people who embody courage.  One such person is my daughter...

ASHLEY.

Perhaps many would not identify hers as a courageous spirit.  For many reasons...some explained and some unexplained, my daughter struggles with  monsters of fear, worry...anxiety.  Her mother's genes no doubt contribute. (Sorry Sweet Pea)  And this ugly life-threatening nut allergy she has been dealt, seeks to eke out the care-free spirit I so wish she could  enjoy.  Regardless of the reasons, she is faced with these demons.  It's part of her brokenness.  But unlike so many, it's not kept in hiding.  She wears it on her sleeve.  Which honestly, I think in itself is courageous.  So often, we seek to hide our broken parts, not wanting anyone to see the ways in which we limp through life.  But not my girl.  She chooses to express her ruminating thoughts, and paralyzing anxiety, and in so doing,  "grapples with" all that threatens to steal life away from her.

It is in her grappling, that I see courage defined.  Day in and day out, I witness her "marching up to the canon's mouth".  I watch her step out and try something new even though she is shaking inside.  I stand with her as she goes eye-ball-to-eyeball with her own version of "Fear Factor"...just eating period.  That which you consume by the mouthful without even thinking, she constantly must question, in order to protect her life.  The things that go" bump" in her life are many.  She has the choice to shrink from or to "not shrink from".  

She reminds me of a swimmer whose long distance course is always fraught with white-capped waves.  She is ever being buffetted by something, and just when her strokes get her over the next wave, another is right there seeking to pull her under.  But she keeps swimming.


I have my own choices in this.  There's the reality that my mother-heart is so recklessly torn by watching her struggle.  Those times when I hold her as tears stream down her tortured face, wrecks me so severely.  This is so not the life I envisioned for my daughter.  And so I focus on another here and now...the character trait of courage growing within her.  I remind her and encourage her as she forges on.  I take her with me to God's throne room requesting courage for "whatever may face her today".  I place myself strategically in the role of cheerleading her into the next white-capped waves.  And truly, I thank God for the priviledge of walking this journey with her.

My daughter still enjoys life, but there's no doubt that the waters are never still for long.  Everyone once and awhile, I am privy to witnessing a beautiful scene...a glorious carefree spirit.  I think I bask in it almost as much as she does.  Heaven will indeed be paradise for her. 

For now, she is to me...courage defined.