Asking The Right Questions

I've been revisiting a rich book--

mining it's pages reveals 

new nuggets of

truth

hope

encouragement

challenge

"Being Well When We're Ill"

(Wholeness and Hope In Spite of Infirmity)

by Marva J. Dawn

was a book I read as I was 

recovering from the years of depression's darkness

Gratefully I'm not in that place again,

but life is full of so many pathways of pain

and in each one there is the often- asked -question

Why?

I'm in my fifth week now of fairly significant sciatica

Recovery feels so slow...

doesn't it always???

I could rant a list of how this has affected me--

my routine

sleep

abilities, etc.
and just coping with the pain in general

And I could ask that very simple, but nagging question, 

why?

But I haven't.

Not because I'm super spiritual

or strong...

Truly I am very much aware of my brokenness,

how  weak I am

The reason I haven't asked the question

is solely God's grace in my life

He has brought me to a place where I am 

finally

beginning to trust Him...

to believe that the gift of life I receive 

every 

day

is from Him

regardless of how that may look

This is where Marva's words of faith and trust come in.

"A first step toward finding

intellectual, emotional and spiritual well-being

in spite of the absurdity of our...circumstances

is to change the questions from 

'Why?' to

'What?' and 'Where?',

and to ask these with an

open-minded commitment to look for answers.

More completely, the new questions are,

'What is God doing in the midst of this?'

and

'Where do I catch glimpses of the Trinity's grace?'"

Both of these questions move the focus from

me

to

Him

The beauty of theses questions

is that they can be answered!!!

I'm not suspended in time

holding out for some nebulous answer to "why"

which will never come

Instead,

I am living out the answers to these other questions

in the strength and grace and provision

of God

 I can see sooooo much of what God is doing

and catching glimpses of the Trinity's grace

requires little effort

Asking the right questions

changes everything

My prayer--
for strength and grace
to continue living out the answers

Receiving Life

Many of you know that I am an

ultra organizer and planner.

I'm also not the most flexible person

although I have grown in this area  over the years--

out of necessity.

My time with Ingrid, my Spiritual Director last week

was wonderfully enlightening--

freeing actually.

Truthfully, I'm embarrassed to express

the fullness of what I have learned

as it reveals 

the deception within my own soul

But I will turn my back on pride and divulge anyway--

another area I'm growing in (denouncing pride that is)

I was sharing with Ingrid my word for 2015--

Courage,

and how the blank pages of the coming year

unnerve me and I need the courage

to trust God's ways.

She responded with simplicity but it so moved me!

Life, she said, can be looked at in one of two ways--

1.  I'm moving through time

2.  I'm just here and life comes to me--I in turn receive it and respond to it.

Trust God to bring life!

She went on to remind me that "making life" is an illusion.

Very little of it unfolds as I have planned.

For sure I need to prepare and plan my days, but just as much,

I must hold all things loosely.

All is tentative. 

If my plans are changed,  this then

is the life God is giving me.

I suppose on the surface I am aware that my plans are often 

interrupted,

detoured,

or quashed,

but I don't receive and respond with grace--

at least not as often I should.

At times I am 

frustrated

annoyed

angry

disillusioned

James would say I am arrogant--

"Come now, you who say,

'Today or tomorrow, we shall go to such and such a city,

and spend a year there

and engage in business

and make a profit.

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.

You are JUST a vapor

that appears for a little while

and then vanishes away.

Instead, you ought to say,

'If the LORD WILLS,

we shall live and also do this or that.'

But as it is,

YOU BOAST IN YOUR ARROGANCE,

ALL SUCH BOASTING IS EVIL.'"

--James 4:14-16

Ouch.

As much as such a rebuke "smarts",

I welcome it as 

a grace from God.

Because it's "freeing" me.

It's also timely.

The "life" that has come to me in the past week

has completely disrupted my days.

Much on "my agenda" has either been

scaled way back,

wholly disrupted,

or been stroked off my list.

I have no idea how long this "life"

will stay with me.

And yet surprisingly,

I'm receiving it

and responding to it

as God's gift to me.

Yes...a gift.

It doesn't mean I understand the "why" 

or that I'm enjoying it,

but I am trusting 

that He is wise and good

 and yes,

trustworthy.
And I am looking for Him
in the midst of my
"now"
for whatever He is purposing to reveal.
 

I only ask for grace

to glorify Him

through this "life"

that I'm receiving.

A New Year...

Word for 2015

Courage

Verse for 2015

"...I am not alone, 

because the Father is with Me.

These things I have spoken to you,

that in Me

you may have peace.

In the world you have tribulation,

but take courage;

I have overcome the world."

--John 16:32b,33  

Unprepared

"...we are most prepared for Christ,

for Christmas, when we confess 

we are mostly not prepared.

Rest here.

There is only room in us

when we are done with us."

--Ann Voskamp

"The Greatest Gift"

I started early

planned wisely

so sure that this year I would arrive at today

and have my soul

prepared

I see now the arrogance

that somehow 

this is all dependent on my doing

that with time set aside

and a heart desiring to be awakened

somehow

I would be ready for my Lord

But now

with clearer vision

I 

see

Him

This holy God

emptying His glory

for my vain attempts

at 

holding on to "my glory"

My efforts are as filthy rags

my preparations so lacking

I come to the manger

aware of my emptiness

longing for Him

to fill my own womb-space

with

Himself

El Shaddai

I rest in You

I worship You

 

Glory

"And the Word became flesh

and dwelt among us

and we beheld His glory,

glory as of the only begotten

from the Father

full of grace and truth."

--John 1:14

Not distant and unapproachable

but tiny fingers... toes

and that baby-fresh scent

No longer housed in a tabernacle

out of reach

but indwelling the babe

the God-man

and 

yes,

now indwelling me!

You bid me shed and surrender

the glory I horde for myself

that I may 

be blinded

by Yours

Continue Your emptying of me

that there might be a filling

to overflowing

 of Your grace and truth

What Child is This?

I am struck with new intensity

this mystery of God taking on human flesh

divinity co-mingling with humanity

Emmanuel has become

my sympathizing High Priest!

Oh praise be!

Tempted yes...

but without sin!

Understanding my human condition yes...

yet...

the Giver of mercy

the Extender of Grace

for my every need.

I am humbled, grateful, in awe of this

indescribable gift!

"Why lies He in such mean estate,

Where ox and ass are feeding?

Good Christian, fear:  for sinners here

The silent Word is pleading:

Nails, spear, shall pierce Him through,

The cross be borne, for me, for you:

Hail, hail the Word made flesh,

The Babe, the Son of Mary"

--William C. Dix

"What Child is This?"

Advent

It is here!

The season of waiting, reflection, anticipation--

Advent

My soul is on tiptoes, eagerly awaiting His arrival

Abba Father...Daddy...

raise me up upon Your shoulders

that nothing obscures my vision

of the coming Christ.

His Plan

"...I offer all I am,

for the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong.

Help me be

Help me."

--Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)

Chris Eaton/Amy Grant

We can only surmise the journey Mary's heart was on

as the reality of her interrupted life took hold.

It couldn't have been easy,

yet there's no indication from scripture

that she complained, protested or in any way desired to shirk God's ask of her.

But rather...

pondering, praising, surrendering,

and offering herself

"for the mercy of His plan."

I fall far short of a like comparison,

yet I too have faced my own life- interruptions--

forever changing the landscape

I had planned.

And yes,

much pondering, praising and surrendering

was going on in my heart

But an equal, if not more amount of

questions, despair, confusion, even anger

was woven throughout.

My own heart's journey

was not the nice and tidy portrayal

that was Mary's.

God, in His mercy

chooses each of us

for a plan beyond our comprehension.

Our willingness to lay ourselves on the altar of surrender is key.

I continue to grow in my own understanding of "the mercy of His plan",

to acknowledge His sovereign ways,

and His perfect love for me.

 

How has God interrupted your life?

How is He interrupting it...

even today?

"...I offer all I am,

for the mercy of Your plan

Help me be strong

Help me be

Help me."

"There is hardly anyone in the civilized world--

particularly those who do just a little more every day

than they really have strength to perform--

who has not at some time

regarded bed as a refuge."

--J.E. Buckrose (1923)

Is is just me?

Am I the only one who gets caught in this trap?

Each day

trying to do a little more than I have

"strength to perform".

I'm in the process of endeavoring to reel myself

back in again

It's always so subtle--

how it entangles me so

Just one more errand

or two

Another email, text message, card

The Christmas season always tugs extra hard

at my heartstrings

So much pain in the lives of dear people

and I long to just reach out

with a comforting hand

even for a moment

But my own limited self

is quickly reminded--

I'm unable to alleviate the suffering of so many

And so I sit in the quiet

with God

who centers me again

and sends His Spirit through a friend

to share the wise words of 

Henri Nouwen--

"It is Jesus who heals,

not I."

Then--

Grace

Grace to cover all of my striving and
struggle and
discouragement

Grace to cover the hurt of so many

Pure

everflowing

grace  

Preparing Him Room

Preparation began a month ago

Such a grace from God this was--

 my soul needed--

yes needed

 some extensive purging 

so that I had room

for the Christ

this Christmas

I so yearned to move through

 Christmas

with a heart that was free

to wait for and anticipate His coming 

Not cluttered 

with so much "other"

or pressured

with too much "doing"

But 

aware

and

focused

and

wise

and

centered 

on 

the One who is coming

His coming is to set us free!!

He has already begun.

Beautiful

“"Ye may yourself ebb and flow,

rise and fall,

wax and wane;

but your Lord is this day as he was yesterday;

and it is your comfort that your salvation

is not rolled upon wheels of your own making,

neither have ye to do with a Christ of your own shaping."

--Samuel Rutherford