My Baby Girl...Growing Up

I can still hear my OB's announcement singing in my ears, "It's a girl!", he called out.  I remember bursting into tears, deeply grateful for the safe arrival of all that spelled pink and lace and ponytails. 

In a few months she will be sweet sixteen.  There is a shock and normalcy to this next stage.  It did not all happen overnight.  Each stage came upon us and somehow just meshed into the next stage.  I never wanted to hurry any stage, no matter how difficult.  It was just "where we were at".  But I did at times, wish that the calender would come to a standstill and we would stay a little longer in a particular season. 

Oh sure, those early years were physically draining and emotionally trying.
With a newborn there was the constant care  of providing even just the basics.  Sometimes I was overcome with fear, wondering why her fever continued to prevail.   And the toddler years?  Teaching seemed to be a constant as she discovered life in a myriad of ways.  I was being taught myself.  I had an auburn haired part of my DNA who was part of me but not me.  I was learning who she was.  I distinctly remember Kindergarten.  In many ways it was a very somber time within me as I faced this stark reality.  The world will now have my daughter for six hours, five days a week.  Up until then, I decided what would make up her world.  I chose what would fill her little mind.  I purposefully nurtured her according to who she was.

I suppose in many ways, I'm feeling this sobering, inescapable fact right now.  But it travels even further.  It's not just that she spends time in the world's environment.  It's this very real reality that the world is calling my daughter's name.  Often and consistently, something other than home is vying for her attention.  My mother heart yearns to be that ever present filter and ongoing protector of her mind and heart.  At times my lips voice "yes" when my heart is screaming "no".  Regularly I am caught up in the drama of a moment, desperately searching for the right response.  Yes, she is still in need of my guidance and authority and nurturing.  I'm not giving up my mother-role by no means!  But I cannot always be the voice over her shoulder.  It is well within her age requirement to be learning a growing sense of independence.  It is important that she venture out and make her own decisions and make choices.

But I can't say I like it.  Truthfully, it scares me.  A lot.  I see the excitement in her eyes after a sleepover with friends.  I hear the frustration in her voice when we limit her adventures to non-alcoholic parties.  I hear the teenage angst of how much life sucks at times.   The song that the world sings to her is strong and clear and enticing.

This morning I sang another song in my place of worship.  Several songs actually...

"Fear not, for I am with you", says the Lord. 

"Glory, glory, Hallelujah He reigns."

"Why should I be afraid when You put the stars in place?
 Why should I lose heart when I know how great You are?
 You shine brighter than the brightest star--filling us with courage and hope to follow You."

My pastor spoke on Daniel and the strength of this truth tugged at my heart, "Yahweh is above all gods."

For that hour, I listened to His voice and feasted on His promises and drank in His power.  I need the wattage of these truthful reminders.  I need them often. I need them daily.

My baby girl is growing up.  I know this hasn't caught her Creator by surprise.  He's fully "in the know", and fully God. 

"O secret Christ,
Lord of the rose of dawn,
hide me within Thy silent peace,
that throughout the turmoil of day,
I may abide within the quiet of the daybreak."
--Anonymous  



 






 

"Packing, birthdays and the looming Goodbye"

Surreal.  That's what I'm living in this week.  I'm not a wreck, not moved to tears as he checks another thing off his packing list.  I'm just not fully grasping the reality of it all.

How can I have a son who will be 18 in two days?   Is he really packing up and moving out?  Then what?  What will this "look" like in our family unit?   This "growing up" always happens to other peoples' kids.  Now it's happening to me.  Sigh.  There is a part of me that wonders if I've done enough.  Have I ensured that he is ready for the world out there?  And I think there are probably two answers here..."Yes" and "No".  "Yes", because he'll make it out there no problem.  And "No", because I'm an imperfect human being, and cannot possibly have given him all that he needs.  But that's where God comes in and extends mercy to my fallibility, and all encompassing care to my son.

It's been such a good week with Cam.  I bribed him on Sunday and took him out for ice cream so that I could go over the "things to do" list.  It worked!  ha,ha.  We had fun together, compromised and managed to make a plan for the week.  He even allowed me to check up on him last evening! (But no nagging allowed in between).

To my surprise nagging wasn't even required.  I haven't seen him focus on tasks like this since his last semester of highschool.  And his room!!!!  The tornado winds that tore through his room several years ago, actually calmed this week and I can walk across the rug with no fear of fracturing my ankle.  Gosh, I should almost take a picture.

He's leaving his trail of memories though...I caught him again the other day.  He  arrives home from work on his bike and grabs one of my tea towels to wipe the sweat off his face and neck!!!!!!!!  He claims it is "just salt and water".  The tea towel obviously goes in the laundry, but I wonder how many times he's done it when I'm not around???  I don't even want to know.  I bought him some tea towels for residence.  I suppose they will get used one way or another.

Sunday evening we went for a family walk to a nearby park area.  It was lovely, with he and his sister actually talking and walking  amicably together.  I was quite enjoying our little outing, until Cam decided that our walk home would be the route he often takes as he jogs.  Over an hour later, we arrive home, hot, sweaty, and me wondering if I will make it.  Being diabetic I always carry an emergency snack with me, but was not prepared for Cam's long detour home.  His response to me..."you should have brought a lunch.".  (Sound familiar?)

We celebrated his birthday last evening, since he will be off on his adventure on Saturday.  The requested menu was steak, corn, mashed potatoes(with cream cheese and sour cream...mmmm.) and then Angel food cake with peaches and ice cream.

 

                                                  He just can't stop bugging his sister!!!!!!!

Throughout the teenage years, my husband has often said, "Well, he's 13, or 15 or 17 and he still loves us.  Last night, as he and Cam chatted around the BBQ, Brian commented to Cam..."You've made it to 18 and you still love us..."

It's a beautiful gift.  Because there really are no guarantees.  You can pour yourself into your babes and toddlers and preschoolers and they'll love you back with all they've got.  But when the tumultuous teenage years hit, a lot can go array.  You really have no idea where you as a parent will end up in your grown child's ratings.  Brian and I consider ourselves richly blessed.  Our son has opened himself to God's touch in his life and it has made all the difference in the world.

As I finish up this post, Cam is upstairs playing piano.  I'm going to miss that.

"Home is a company of people with particular values and a particular history...It is the particular womb out of which we are born...Home is a gift we never earn...Everyone leaves home a little differently."  --Herbert Anderson & Kenneth R. Mitchell  "Leaving Home" 

Our home is an imperfect interweaving of people, but it's been ours.  I cherish  memories past and anticipate those yet to be created down the road.

Extra Time

On mornings when I go for my workout, my son is usually still in bed...one of the benefits of having a spare first period.  It works out perfectly, because by the time I get home he is soon to head out the door for school.  I still get to say "Good morning"...pray with him and give him a hug and a kiss before he mounts his bike and is off for the day.

This past Monday morning, I was home in time for the above routine, and then walked into the house to get something he had forgotten.  My mouth fell open I am sure.  The dish tray which had been full when I left earlier, was EMPTY!  Not only empty, but it had been put away even!  I quickly looked to the table...all the breakfast items had been cleared off and put away...his breakfast dishes nowhere to be seen.  I went running out the door and said, "Cameron!!!!  You did the dishes for me!!!!  That means sooo much to me...Thankyou!!  His response?  "Well, I had some extra time."

Now, I'm not sure about you, but I don't know too many 17 year old boys, who, upon having extra time on their hands, opt to do the dishes for their Mom.  Lest I give the impression that this is completely out of the realm of impossible for my son to do something like this...it's not.  But let's face it...it's not exactly the norm.

Furthermore, there is some added information that seems pertinent here.  Cam's vocabulary has not had the words extra time, in it for weeks now.
1.  He is in his last year of high school and striving for University level marks
2.  He is the pianist for his school's musical "Footloose" being performed this week, and has had a truckload of piano practicing and rehearsals.
3. He also has his weekly piano lessons, youth, his job, etc.

What I'm trying to say is...his life has been insane these past few weeks, and it just blew me away, that he would think of me, and help me out, in his extra time!!!!

Yep, he's a keeper, alright.!  I still find myself thinking throughout my day about his gesture of kindness.  Inside, I just sort of sigh, and enjoy the moment all over again.

Oh...and the following morning, he grabbed a tea towel again, and started drying the dishes as I washed.  I called to my husband in a panicky tone, "Honey, I feel faint!"  He looked at me with great concern, and then saw the tea towel in our son's hand....and laughed.

"Cam", I said, "you're growing up."  To which he replied, "Yes I am."

I think I could get used to this  :)