A Crossroads

I find it joyfully liberating when God reveals Himself in unexpected ways.  It's as though He whispers, "Stop here a moment, I want to show you something."  The following scripture was part of my Lent Devotional this morning.

"Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
My eye wastes away from grief, my soul and body also.
For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my misery, and my bones waste away...
But I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, 'You are my God.'
My times are in Your hand;
deliver me from the hand of my enemies and persecutors.
Let Your face shine upon Your servant;
Save me in Your steadfast love." 
Psalms 31:9,10, 14-16

It is not difficult for me to remember horrid days such as what the Psalmist David describes.  Days when I truly felt as though my life was spent in sorrow, when my eyes were drenched in tears, strength of body, soul and spirit draining from me. 

I trusted in Him, but feebly.  I knew my times were in His hands, but those hands felt cruel too often.  I yearned for His merciful deliverance from that which tormented the very depth of my being.

Today, the beauty of His face shines on me.  His compassionate deliverance and steadfast love has saved me.  And one by one He has been slaying my enemies.  And my response?

"What can I say?
What can I do?
But to offer my life oh Lord, completely to You."
--Hillsong United


"This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all You do."
--Brian Doerksen


I am finding myself asking..."Am I at a crossroads?"  So much has changed in my life since those years of darkness.  And in the past months, a spiritual spring of newness and depth and peace is sprouting within. 

Brian Doerksen challenges me to dream again...to be led by my Shepherd Guide
.
Here we stand
At a crossroads again
Like you said
In time the seasons change

Looking back
We recall the blessing and the pain
But now we turn our hearts toward
What is still to come  
We want to dream again


Lead us Lord
Into a life of fruitfulness
Prepare our hearts to risk again
As we trust
Taking simple steps of obedience we know
That You will lead us Lord.


I don't know what it means for me to dream again or for Him to lead me into new seasons.  I do know that there was a powerful moment in prayer yesterday when my Spiritual Director announced to the Father that "anxiety and depression no longer define Juanita".  Those were spirit stopping words underlined on my heart.  Emotional struggles are still a part of my earthly journey, but I am now defined by Christ, and the life He lives within me.

I believe this is a crossroads.  Clearly a crossroads in my walk with Christ, but beyond that, I don't know.  But what I do know is that I am at rest in the all sufficient, perfect ways of Christ and it's a beautiful place to be.

Fully Present

This is my second year reading through Beth A. Richardson's Advent Devotional, "The Uncluttered Heart".  I love how the encouragement and challenges and comforts are fresh.  God's truth is always  in season regardless of having heard it before.  And His intimate ways are so obvious as He speaks to me each new day.

Today was timely, once again.  Allow me to share some of it with you.

"Being fully present in my body brings me into this moment--now.  Look!  I am seeing sunlight(or faces or Christmas lights).  Listen!  I am hearing music(or angry voices or laughter or silence).  Smell!  I am in the bakery (or the baby needs changing or the candles are lit).  Taste!  I am eating oatmeal(or coffee or something sweet).  Feel!  I am sitting in a chair(or I am hurting or I am tired).

Being fully present in my body allows me to turn to God more easily, staying open to God's leading in the next moment and the next and the next.  I am here, God.  What would you have me to do?  I am here, God.  Help me walk in peace.  I am here, God.  Give me wisdom and strength to face the next challenge.

Walk gently, peacefully, in the way of Christ's peace."

That which resonated with me, was the call to be fully present, to enter into the realities of my life.  There was this sense of freedom in hearing "permission" to just be as I am.


The past couple of weeks have not found me perpetually singing, "It's the most wonderful time of the year."  I am struggling emotionally again.  I hate that word...again.  I entered into the Christmas season with excitement and joy and anticipation.  But a certain level of this Christmas spirit has been overshadowed by the darker side that seems to never totally be gone from my life.  I have to be honest,  I'm disappointed and frustrated.  It's not the way I was planning for the month of December to unfold.  It's a challenge to enjoy all that I am "supposed" to enjoy, when I feel anxious, overwhelmed and fatigued.

But today, I felt a sense of freedom as I allowed myself to be fully present in my body, in the moment.   My eyes could focus on a flickering candle, a beautifully lit Christmas tree, and the gently falling snow outside my window.  My ears heard the swish of traffic on the wet streets, the heat pumping out of the vent beside me, even the sound of my pen as I wrote these thoughts.  My nose enjoyed the amazing aroma of the new scent of "McIntosh Cider" coming from my potpourri burner.  Sitting in my chair I felt its comfort and warmth, surrounding my tired body.   

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that regardless of all that I will experience, I still have the privilege of being fully present with all of who I am.  The Christ who came over 2000 years ago, beckons me to His side, as I am.  He will lead and provide and walk with me through each and every moment.

By His grace, I can walk gently, peacefully, in the way of Christ's peace.

Advent...His Coming

"God of Advent joy,                              
keep my eyes and heart open
to signs of your coming.
May I be joyously expectant,
seeing your coming
in a million ways.
Amen."
--Beth A. Richardson
"The Uncluttered Heart"

It's not something that just happens.  Without focus and choices and planning, Advent can simply be another word on the Christian calender.  For sure, my list of shopping and cards and decorating and gatherings is rather lengthy, and can at times be overwhelming.  Which is why, before I even start making my way through the maze of this season, I want to be steadfast about the deeper meaning.  I want my soul to be awake and alive to the God "who is coming".  And if I leave this all to happenstance, I know the days will rush by me, and I will arrive on Christmas Day, the day I celebrate His birth, and I will have missed "seeing his coming in a million ways". 

I know He is here, woven throughout my days, sometimes in obvious ways, and at other times, seemingly hidden.  That is, unless I am watching and listening and still and aware.  Today He showed up in a "chance" conversation, in a young woman's laughter, in the heaping pile of blessedness He dumps on me. 

On a whim, I decorated the inside of my home on Friday evening. The nostalgic beauty of decorations brought out of hiding, the familiar sounds of Christmas music, the flicker of candles and the shadows of lights, all serve to remind me that He is coming. 

I am joyously expectant.