Surrender

Surrender.  How quickly I move from one area of holding on to yet another.

It loomed large last week, this decision making surrounding insulin therapy.  All encompassing, overwhelming it was to think of giving up eighteen years of what I had come to know and feel secure in...needles and pens.  Could I surrender to change and an advanced way to manage my health care?

Seven days later I am on new terrain.  Seven days of processing and questions answered and attentive professionals and wealthy information and I am at peace with adopting pump therapy.  Still seven weeks from having to sign on the dotted line, but my pen is in hand.

But now there's more.  A new area rather.  A new area to process, more to ask of me, more to ask of God, more to empty myself of, more to surrender.

Is it always to be this way?

A reconciliation with one mountain only to find myself at the base of another?

And this one towers...immense, and I wonder, can I ever truly reach this mountain's summit?  It's overshadowed my days far too long e'en though I've prayed fervently and sought in earnest to lay it all at His feet.

But I'm being summoned again by the One who is jealous for me...all of me and I desire to abandon myself to His ways...an emptying of me so there can be a filling of Him.  The way is opaque before me, but He will lead the dance and I will fall into step as we go.