Pump me up...or Not

"You are what we refer to as a 'brittle diabetic'", she said.  I think the Insulin Pump would work well for you."

I continue to mull those words over in my mind, seeking to digest the implications of this advice from my Endocrinologist.  It's true that I have been unable to maintain stable blood sugars for some time now, regardless of adhering to a strict diet.  The orderly ways in which I govern my lifestyle the majority of the time is failing to reward me on a consistent basis.  And so I find myself at this crossroads with an April 19(my next appointment) date set as decision day.

I could still continue with multiple daily injections or I can choose this alternative therapy which will ultimately provide me with better control of my blood sugars.  I suppose when one reads this from an objective side, the decision seems obvious.  Even writing this, filled with my subjective thoughts, I can clearly see the fork in the road that I should take.  And in all probability, I will decide to venture into new terrain in order to give my body the optimum care possible.

But it doesn't mean that there are not a myriad of thoughts and feelings thrown into this decision which I must think through, and come to terms with.  There will be intensive changes to my life in the initial period as I adapt to something fresh and new.  Change and I are not kindred spirits by any stretch, but I am much better equipped to enter into change than in past years.

In the meantime, my doctor has outlined a concentrated regime for me to follow.  She bowed to my request to try another method of seeking to achieve control of my blood sugars.  In hindsight, I am somewhat questioning my ask of her, as I'm now experiencing an overdose of focus on this area of my health.

Gratefully, I am not alone in this.  I'm blessed with people who will listen to this whirlwind in my mind, and as time goes on, I will have the gift of professionals who are able and willing to assist me on this journey.

It doesn't surprise me that surrender is an area of my heart that God has been addressing with me these past weeks.  Lent too, is nearing, which is drawing me into a frame of heart that will benefit me over these next couple of months.  God is carefully putting details in place to enable me to respond well.

I love that I can rest in God's all sufficiency.  I'm thankful that He accepts my uncensored thoughts and the emotional shading within my being, which at times colors reason.  I know that though this feels bigger than me, that it is microscopic to Him. I know that all He asks of me is trust--

One day at a time.