A Pictorial Christmas 2012

Longtime friend...Kenny

 

Our new Family!!!

Yeah!!!  Hunter Boots

My thankyou gift for helping with the wedding:)

A whip cream `gift from the 2 on the right:)

 

Zoe:)

 

Mikaela...a young lady

 

Merry Christmas

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Let earth receive Her King

Let every heart prepare Him room

And heav'n and nature sing."

Welcome to Our World

We all long for that "perfect" Christmas

To sing from our toes "it's the most wonderful time of the year".

We cringe to hear of brief lives cut short

And how the lonely hours of many are exaggerated

It seemed this year would be my escape from the ugliness of life

Even as the circumstances were unfolding I so desperately wanted to press

life's delete button

To run away from the hurt

To turn the lights up brighter on the tree

To somehow erase what had just occurred.

This morning, during our Christmas Communion Service our

pastor spoke of our coming Lord's birth

How He came to "wrap around our injured flesh."

Gripping words for my injured, wounded soul.

A way to describe all that I have been wading through.

 Communion brought fresh, deep gratitude

My own private, quiet moment to remember and give humble thanks for His sacrifice

His willingness to come to me
For me!

His measureless gift of wrapping His very life around,
not just my injured flesh
but my own flawed, broken, sin-sick soul.
There is no greater gift

In a symbolic way we wait for His coming just days from now

But very much drawing upon the beautiful reality of 

Immanuel God-with-us 

in the midst of the messiness of living

Still we await We His future coming

when our injured, wounded selves will be made whole.

Hallelujah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCJVztqFJNU 

Welcome to Our World

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking

How we need to hear from God

You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child

Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger

How I wish we would have known

But long-awaited Holy Stranger

Make Yourself at home

Please make yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence

Bid our hungry souls be filled

Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our World

Welcome to our World

Fragile finger sent to heal us

Tender brow prepared for thorn

Tiny heart whose blood will save us

Unto us is born

Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You

Breathe our air and walk our sod

Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God

Perfect Son of God

Welcome to our World

Amy Grant

The Gift of Tender Mercy

This day, oh this hard day...

I have struggled to keep perspective and been sadly losing that fight.

I have sought to keep God in focus but my vision so blurred.

I have endeavored not to worry and no sooner have I reorganized my thoughts than the churning within reappears.

And that "keeping space" I so purposefully plan into my days, has been far too small these past 24 hours.

But I love how God's Word can cover me like a blanket...how it appears fresh and timely in the midst of all I am wading through.

It's the words of Zacharias' Prophecy introducing John in Luke 1:76-78a which capture my thoughts--

"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;

For you will go on before the Lord to prepare His ways;

To give His people the knowledge of salvation

By the forgiveness of their sins,

Because of the tender mercy of our God..."

Can there be a more calming truth for my turmoil?  My sin seems ever before me and how discouraging it is to wage this battle against self.  Yet Luke reminds me of the unfolding purpose of Christ's coming...the very event we are anticipating this Advent season.  

Salvation, forgiveness and the "tender mercy of my God" ...how lavish a gift.

Rest oh weary soul.

The Keeping Space

I'm a person who seeks NOT to be busy.  

In fact I have often said that I choose to rebel against the frantic pace 

our society deems necessary or important or perhaps, "just the way it is".

There are those who recognize the need to have margin in their life.  

I'm thinking of it as "the keeping space".  

It's that empty space I need to have in my life so that I can hear the Spirit's voice. 

I grab on to how Henri Nouwen describes this in 

an excerpt in my Advent Devotional from

"A Spirituality for Living".

He calls it a discipline, but not the way we often think of discipline.

"...in the spiritual life, the word discipline means,

'the effort to create some space in which God can act.'"

Oh that's so beautiful.

So inviting and calming.

I so need this space.

Henri goes on to explain...

"Discipline means to prevent everything in our lives

from being filled up.

Discipline means that somewhere we're not occupied,

and certainly not preoccupied.

Discipline means to create space in which

something can happen that we hadn't planned or counted on.

Discipline helps us to follow the voice of the Spirit,

who wants to lead us to new places, new people,

and new forms of service."

This space is something I am extra conscious of in this Christmas season.

So much vies for my attention, my time, my thoughts.

And if I"m not careful,

if I'm not daily "keeping space" to allow God to act,

then I lose perspective, serenity and an open heart.

So whether it is a shopping list in hand

or a meal I'm preparing

or an "intrusion" into my day

I'm in want of that "keeping space"

and a God-who-is-with-me

to speak and guide and invite me into the dance.

 

"Christ the Light of the World"

Thomas Kinkade

"'If you are past 35, you surely grieve something.

If nothing else, you simply grieve for the passing of time...

for the helplessness of knowing that tragedy can occur instantly

and without warning',

writes southern novelist Vicki Covington.

Pastor and teacher Dr. Gary Klingsporn wrote,

'Only a Christ who comes into 

and shares our tears....

only that Christ can really speak meaningfully to us today.

Christ is born into whatever it is that we feel.

He comes not as a predictable hero,

but as a vulnerable child.

From the Messiah in a manger

to the King on a cross,

this is the mystery of the incarnation--

that into such a world of need,

into such a world as ours,

God whispered His profound love.

And He whispers it yet today.' 

O God who entered time and eternity

as a crying infant...

 be present in my tears.

I lay before You all that burdens my heart

even as I listen for the singing of angels."

I must strain to hear the singing of angels today.

The paralyzing screams of children threaten to drown out 

the joyous message the angels proclaim.

But I choose to remember

amidst the nightmarish pain of this world

that Christ came into

this world.

Emmanuel...

God-with-us...

"Oh God-who-walks-alongside-us...

comfort deeply

be the Light in the weighted darkness of this day

in the strong and sure name of Jesus I pray

Amen.

 

Celebrating 25 Years of Sobriety

"For of His fullness we have all received

And grace upon grace."

--John 1:16

Grace upon grace has been overwhelming us as we celebrated and reflected

25 years of my husband's sobriety.

An Open House at our church yesterday was filled with many moments of

rejoicing with friends old and new.

 

There are countless times where we don't understand God's working in our lives

leaving us confused and doubting His wisdom.

I am sure many people harbored such thoughts throughout 

Brian's drinking "career"...

"Will God ever step in and rescue this slowly dying man?"

And yet on that one stand-alone day...

December 11, 1987

the time was right for a rescue

and life change began

Today, 25 years later we marvel and celebrate and give thanks

to the God who heaps grace upon grace

SO THAT...

another life...

Brian's,

could be a redemptive story living out this grace

in a pain filled, dying world.

 We give thanks to God for our

abundant, grace-filled lives.

Advent Dawns

 It is here...

Advent

And I find myself catching my breath in my spirit.  

I have come to know such a wealth of God in this season of preparation.

It's a call to my soul to be quiet...

reflective...

open to Him who waits for me in the rush of the days.

Expectancy is what I feel

Expectancy to meet Him...

Emmanuel

To see His face where I don't always bother to look

To hear His whisper amidst all the noise of life

To experience His "God-With-Me-Presence"

Pamela Hawkins, in her Advent Devotional, "Behold" challenges me with these words:

"It is not uncommon for us to approach the season of Advent

with lists of our own expectations,

as though the season begins and ends with us."

Ouch.

As much as I have a heartfelt desire to walk intimately with God

this season,

I have to admit that I still have my agenda

Of how the next days should unfold

Of accomplishing all that is on my list of external prepartion

Of how I want God to interact with me as the hours slip by

But what if He has another plan

He's been known to work like that...

I know

Am I willing to lay myself bare...

body, soul and spirit

to Emmanuel

Inviting Him to have His way

whatever way that may be?

My "yes" is slow to slide off my tongue

But it is there

for Him to hear...

Come Lord Jesus

"Come, thou long-expected Jesus,

born to set thy people free;

from our fears and sins release us,

let us find our rest in thee."

--Charles Wesley

 

Brokenness

"To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul."

Psalm 25:1

 

This has been my posture as of late. 

 

I continue to lift up my soul to Him that He might nourish and teach and comfort and hold. 

Yes, hold... in His gentle, strong hands.

 

I don't ask as often anymore why these seasons come upon me.  Why light-hearted days turn to days fraught with emotional pain and confusion and struggle.  The answer always eludes me. 

 

What I do know is that these past weeks are more about seeking Him.

Sometimes for guidance, for wisdom....help.

Mostly it is a longing just to "be" as I am with Him.

 

Often, I find no respite from my turmoil.

Still I seek.

And I believe.

Believe He is there even though He seems absent.

 

There is always a place in my soul that grows in these seasons of trial.

The strands of struggle weave a course from sun-up to sundown.

 

Brokenness is the fabric being woven this season.

Strength through brokenness

Beauty in brokenness

God in my brokenness

 

I keep listening...

growing...

 

That is enough

 

 

 



Roadside Treasure and other Generous Gifts

I drove past the pile initially. 

I was on my way to the gym, and it was 7:30 in the morning and I wasn't up to slugging.  But I had perked up a bit by the time I was ready to head home and so decided to make the trek back to the "pile".

Someone must have trimmed their evergreen tree the day before and had left several mounds of branches at the side of the road.  Do you have any idea what a gold mine this is to someone who enjoys outdoor Christmas Decor??!!!!

FREE LIVE GREENS!!!! 

I must admit that there is something incredibly awkward about pulling into a stranger's driveway, opening up the back of my van, and dragging branches from their lawn to my vehicle... with a steady stream of traffic driving by to boot.  But regardless of my "discomfort" I could not pass up such a money saving opportunity! 

Ten minutes later, the back of the van was piled high to the roof and I was patting myself on the back for my extravagant find. 

Herein lies the other generous gift.

I had, as I mentioned stacked branches to the point where my rear window was blocked.  Ah yes...a not-so-wise-move, but gosh, what else could I do!!! 

I waited patiently for sufficient traffic to clear before I backed out on to the street with a fair amount of gas.  And just at the last second, I saw it.  A parked car just inches from my back bumper.  I slammed on the brake watching the boughs shift to clear a part of the window.

And with my heart pounding in my chest, I continued down the street extremely grateful for this very generous gift of avoiding one very expensive stop for FREE live greens.

Prayer Changes Lives

I will be the first to humbly acknowledge my limited understanding of prayer and how, when and why God weaves His purposes as He does through our prayers.  But I will equally and confidently acknowledge that I believe prayer to be a powerful "force" in our lives and that all of its mystery is firmly held in the hands of a sovereign God.

I have grown in both the humility and confidence I harbor in prayer. 

 Each Christmas I am reminded of the longevity and beauty of prayer and this year this has been heightened.

It was about six years ago that I received an unexpected gift at my back door.  It was the Christmas season, but one that held very little joy for my spirit.  The depth of my depression had all but overtaken me and "the most wonderful time of  the year" eluded my entire being.

What I pulled out of the box was a very large glass bowl FILLED with Christmas balls.  The card revealed that these balls were prayers...for me.  My dear friend had been praying and had chosen to tangibly and creatively mark her prayers by putting a ball into the bowl with each breath of her words.  What filled the bowl were her prayers on my behalf.

Each year I come up with new ways of displaying this gift of prayer.

This year...the magnitude of my friend's prayers is touching me anew

.

I can see more clearly today, what was such a nightmarish mystery six years ago.

I still have no understanding of what I perceived as the silence of God.

I cannot explain why suffering gripped me for so long.

I fail to find words to reason the high and holy purposes of a compassionate God.

But I have come to know and trust in the perfect character of my God.

My faith has expanded to allow for the marriage of His mercy and holiness.

My spirit can acknowledge that God's ways are not mine...and I surrender.

And my clearer vision can recognize a path of pain that has led me to a

richer, deeper life of being and ministry.

"Unanswered prayer breaks us, seasons us, and refines us so that, in the end,

we attain greater spiritual depth and greater spiritual power."

--Jerry Sittser

"When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer"

Unanswered prayer or long awaited answers to prayer remain difficult realities in my spiritual journey.

None of what I have learned

has been simple. 

Eugene Peterson has said, "When we pray, 'we decide to leave an ago-centered world and enter a God-centered world--But it is not easy.  

We are used to anxieties, egos and problems;

we are not used to wonder, God and mystery."

I am not the same person I was 6 years ago when my desperate plea-prayers for healing

were left unanswered.

I can't help but think that my friend spoke prayers, yes of healing,

 but also of a cry for a work of God in my being

and of a sustaining of my soul through the maze.

I would not choose to live those years over,

but nor do I regret any step of that arduous path.

"But why doesn't He answer me--

He has answered your prayer.

He has entered into your life,

through the door which you in your helplessness have opened for Him.

He is already dwelling in your heart.

He is doing the good work within you."

--O. Hallesby

Thank you...my friend,

for the eternal gift 

of your prayers.