Front Porch Living

I am one of the wonderfully blesssed homeowners who has the luxury of a front porch.  It was one of the aspects of the house that I fell in love with right away.  Over the years I have collected it's treasured decor.  I've lugged home chairs from boulevards on garbage day...loaded my van with items too large to carry...hunted in thrift stores and turned over garage sales.  Such amazing finds!  In anticipating spring, outfitting my front porch is high on my list.  And when the ivy which covers the south side of our home starts budding on the ceiling of my porch, then all is complete. For 5-6 months of the year, my home sports an added an extension. 

It's an oasis I have come to deeply appreciate.  That I can walk out my screen door, and sit in comfort and beauty is pure delight.  It does not matter that the street is mere meters away, an enclosed railing separates me from a world of crazy busyness.  There is a calm I find here despite what may be going on outside this haven.

Whether it is my Quiet time with God, or lunch with my husband and kids, or reading the newspaper late afternoon, I do sooooooo bask in this front porch living.  And most evenings, I light candles and torches, put on my nightgown, grab a book, and wind down my day in the cool night air. 

Oh, and by the way, if you are ever in the area, you're welcome to join me...and enjoy a few moments...porch sitting.

Letting Go

I remember many things about the day he was born.  The planned induction, the unexpected C-section, the robust cry of my newborn son, the newness and unknownness of all that unfolded minute by minute.  Not once did I think of one day having to let go of this precious life.  After all, he had just arrived...completely dependent on me for nurture, nourishment, love. 

"They" tell you the time will fly by, that before you know it, he will be leaving home.  Although I nod in agreement, such a reality seems, well...impossible.  But "it's" here.  The time for letting go.  Almost 18 years later and my firstborn is preparing to leave home.  And the question begs to be asked:  "How did this happen?"

We still have 1 1/2 months to go, but I'm well aware that these days will speed by, just as the past 18 years have.  Letting go is my job over the coming weeks.  It smacked me right in the face a couple of weeks ago, when I recognized that I wasn't doing very well at those two little words.  I was still doing a lot of hovering... smothering, fueled by the false assumption that he needs my mothering.  Oh I know he still needs a mother, and he will always have a mother in me...a devoted, loving, encouraging, praying Mom.  But mothering?   He needs very little of that anymore.  What he needs now is my support, my blessing, my listening heart...my"letting go".  He's ready.  It's time for me to be sure I'm ready.  

Joyce Rupp pens some challenging, but timely words, "...when we learn how to say goodbye we truly learn how to say to ourselves and others:  'Go, God be with you.  I entrust you to God..."

I add my own prayer to hers..."God...help me let go."

 

 

Celebrating Life

I've been doing a lot of celebrating lately, which is part of the reason I haven't been writing.  There have been many moments of organizing and checking off the details on my lists, but also an excess of celebrating.  And that makes it all worthwhile. 

On June 28, we celebrated our son's Graduation from Highschool, with a backyard BBQ and a host of family and friends.

I had planned on taking a panorama of pictures, but had not accounted for my high calling "gopher" role to get in the way.  I seemed to be always "going for something" in the way of food.  Oh well, it was also a joy to serve my son and our guests.  My highlight was watching my son enjoy the evening...he's awesome at "working the crowd".

This infamous "gift" was from his uncle...two bags of "Bullshit".  Literally:)  He thought it would be amazing fertilizer for Cam's garden NEXT year. 

On Tuesday June 29, we celebrated our daughter's 15th birthday.  She is growing into such a beautiful young woman.

Her cousin, Rach and her are like" two peas in a pod"..."double the trouble", etc.  There is never a dull moment when they are together.

We left on Canada Day for "Eden"...our cottage.  Other than the first night of fireworks where we cowered under our hoodies and wrapped blankets around us, it was hot.  Hot, hot, hot.  Good friends, scrumptious food, beach walks, flowers, sunsets, inspiring books, and sleeping in, are part of what made for a lovely week at Eden.  Oh...and did I mention sunsets?  Why do we take endless pictures of sunsets?  Captivating, brilliant...and somehow so incredibly unique..each one.

 

On Sunday July 11, we celebrated my Dad's 70th birthday.  It wasn't a "complete" party, as my sister and her partner,  who live a great distance, was not able to join us.  One of my other sister's hosted our clan for an overnight and then the festivities the following day.  I had a simply fabulous time.  I think we all did!

 Here's my Dad!!!  And a yummy Black Forest Cake.

My crazy brother-in-law who thought he would see how my niece's size 2 t-shirt would fit.  I'm not sure that it will ever look the same on Rach!

 The latest edition to our family...sweet Emmy, whose adoption is now complete.  How blessed we all are to enjoy the gift of her life.

 

The birthday boy taking a flying leap off some pretty strong shoulders!  My Dad has lots of life in him.

My Dad and Stepmom.

Mama...and her "for keeps" daughter :)

What we did for a day and a half!

I feel very blessed to have been a part of celebrating moments in life.

What a Treat!!

Talk about being "present in the moment"!!! 

My hubby and I had a coupon for a Country and Western Bar near our home, and decided to make the short drive for our date night, to satisfy our appetites. 

Deserted is what it was.  Only two tables had patrons.  Fine for us, since we just wanted to be together and talk.  My surprise of the evening came when the table of four guys made their way to the stage, and took their place behind the instruments.  A woman came from the outdoor patio area and joined them, and so began our own private concert.  Oh my gosh!!!  I couldn't stop smiling; neither could my husband, as he knows full well, my delight in country music.  And this WAS country.  It was awesome.  For our entire meal, we listened to the band belt out some good 'ole country music.

It was a treat...a moment, and I was sooo present in that moment, relishing this random gift just for me. 

Being Present in the Moment

I'm not very good at this sort of thing.  In fact, I know that I fail miserably far too often.  I am a detailed organizer,  a perpetual planner, a focused task person, an idealistic, relentless "do-er".  And I really don't like the negative outcomes from these characteristics, but so often I feel trapped in my own skin, always struggling to break out into the beauty and freedom of "being".

Patricia Wilson in her book, "The Mindful Manager:  The God Factor at Work" states this about "being", "Being is enjoying the world at this moment..."  Doesn't that just sound soooo delicious.  I mean really...it speaks of savouring a mouthful, of basking in a sensation, of experiencing life around me.  It's what I truly want to be about. 

Two days ago, I was fretting and rushing and consumed with endless lists and jobs, when it occurred to me that if I continued to live like this, I would miss summer.  It would come and go, and I would lament it's passing because I had been too busy living in the next moment instead of the present.  I know that's the downside of being a chronic planner and organizer.  I'm living in the future far too much, because I'm always preparing for what's next. 

So I am waging war on this "doing" thing.  I am choosing to practice "being present in the moment".  And for me it works it's way out like this...a candle in the bathtub, relishing the aroma and sensation of lotion on my feet, enjoying the smell of dish detergent, and the squeaky clean of dishes, the soft sensation of warm laundry from the dryer and the art of folding my son's clothes, the cessation of my prayer time to watch a Mama duck and her ducklings cross my street, the calm of eating lunch on the front porch, the beauty of landscaping as I drive throughout the city.  It means I must discipline myself constantly, to keep my thoughts focused on the moment at hand.  It means seeking to determine what beauty I can squeeze out of a normally dismal task. It means engaging my senses in the moment in order to truly live that moment. 

"Nobody sees a flower; really.  It is small.  We haven't the time and it takes time..."

--Georgia O'Keefe

 

I really want to see flowers this summer.  I want to see their intricacies, feel their texture, inhale their scent.  I want to "be present in the moment"  when I live this summer.  

Starting right...now.

                                                  

Happy Father's Day Sweetheart!!

 Question:  "How much sports can one man watch in one day?"  
Answer:  "On Father's Day...he can watch ALL day long."
Okay, so it wasn't quite from sun-up 'til sun-down, but pretty close.  We did go to church in the morning, which meant he wasn't glued to the screen continuously, but as soon as we got home, he found the converter and went to "work".  The kids and I made lunch and did the dishes, and then later on, Cam barbecued scrumptious burgers, and Ashley helped prepare strawberries and set the table.  This was all fine and good until she realized we were eating downstairs--where the TV is.  The US Open was on, didn't you know!  (At least I think that was the tournament)
I told him(and the kids) that he was getting the day off, so he should be able to take in all that he enjoys...sports, food and us.

"The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
--Theodore M. Hesburgh
I wrote this quote in his card, because it so aptly describes my husband...my children's father.  He sooooooo loves me...sacrificially, carefully, deeply.  And if that is a prerequisite to being a great father, well then he tips the scales.
We are blessed.  My children have a father who loves them, believes in them, provides for them, encourages them, talks with and listens to them. 
It's not hard to celebrate a man who encompasses all of the above.
Happy Father's Day!

Kiva--Difference Making

Their names are Yessica, Johnny, Quelina, and Maria.  Four women whom I've never met, but are now a strand in the web of my life.  They all reside in the Dominican Republic, having moved there recently from Haiti. 

"Half the Sky" has so significantly opened up my world.  I continue to ponder and reflect on what I've read...regularly asking God where He might want me to be a difference maker globally.  Kiva is where He has encouraged me to start.http://www.kiva.org  is a website which was listed and acclaimed in "Half the Sky".  It's a microlending organization, enabling men and women worldwide, to slowly...step by step start up their own businesses and thus be able to provide for themselves and their families.  I love the practical, hope-filled, purposefulness of it all.  There is nothing wrong with giving money; I more than believe God calls me to do this as well...generously.  But most often in countries where poverty is the norm, something much more is needed.  People need a vision, a goal, a work ethic.  They need to experience the value that comes from starting, building, and growing a business.  Women especially, earn the respect of their husbands/partners when they become successful entrepreneurs. 

This past week, I scrolled down the pages of faces and information of female entrepreneurs, and chose 4 of them to lend a small amount of money to.  They are all seeking to sell clothing; some having already acquired a loan and paid it back, and are now seeking a second loan.  There are of course risks.  The "fine print" clearly sets out what Kiva provides and doesn't provide.  And there are no guarantees that I'll see the money again.  But that's not the issue for me.  Certainly there is some wisdom required in how one chooses an entrepreneur and their corresponding field partner("boss"), but when all is said and done, it's a wait and see season.  The reality is, that if any or all of these women repay their loans, I then have an opportunity to turn around and lend it to another woman!

I so much want to be a difference maker in a tangible global sense.  And so in that realm, these four women and I are really not that much different.  They too long to make a difference...in their own lives, as well as their families.  And whether I live here in a land of plenty, or in the Dominican Republic in a slum, we can "join hands"...work together...and make a difference...one small loan at a time.

All Over the Place

I think that is what this post will be--all over the place.  Because this is the sort of  head space I'm in at the moment.  I'm somewhat obssessed with changing up my blog format, ever since the "ghosts of Blogger and Co." sent me new templates.  But since I'm not terribly computer savvy it has been both frustrating and fun.  Frustrating when I can't figure out how to change something but I know what I want the change to be.  And fun, when it actually works!!!!!!  I think I like what I have.  My daughter took the pic at Eden this past weekend.

Speaking of which...I had such a lovely time there...at Eden.  I was feeling well...it was very quiet...slow pace, etc.  Just Brian, Ashley and I packed up and took off late Friday afternoon.  Cam stayed home to work and finish a last assignment and test studying(although I think there was a fair amount of socializing and soccer watching).  As you can see, the flowers my sister and I planted are simply enchanting.  Perhaps that is a biased opinion...ha,ha

One of my highlights was a Saturday afternoon walk on the beach, with my daughter, where the sand was warm and oozing through my toes at times, due to the thunderous downpour the previous evening.

It was neat just to walk and talk together. 

I was able to finish a book..."Only the Eyes Say Yes" by Philippe and Stephane Vigand.  Amazing, powerful, humbling.  Sleeping in, eating scrumptious, but mostly healthy meals('cept one must have smores at least once), watching a movie...being together.

Sunday comes all too soon and it's time to head home...to finish off the last of the school year.  Exams start next week for both my kids.  Then it's into summer with the first half being fairly busy.  We are having a Graduation Party for Cam on June 28 and Ashley's birthday is the next day.  Two days later we head back to Eden for 8 glorious days.  We return home for about 24 hours and then head off to my sister's family to celebrate my Dad's 70th...they live 3 hours away so that will be an overnight.  I think I might need a vacation by this time...Whew! 

I must head off and get supper going...it's celebration night.  Ashley got her braces off yesterday, and since we were at a youth celebration last evening, her meal request had to wait until tonight--Saucy chicken fingers and Curly Fries.  Not very healthy, I realize, but I'll add in the veggies and dip to try and keep the cholestoral level down a little!  Oh well...have some fun...live a little, right?!  I'm really happy for her...2 years and a few months of braces...she's looking forward to eating this meal without half of it stuck in between the wires.

Next post I should be back to something a little more orderly...not that I'm into that sort of thing :)

Half the Sky

I had no idea what I was delving into when I opened the first pages of this book.  My aunt had recommended this read as she knew the journey I was on.  A journey of becoming more globally aware, as well as joining in with efforts to make a difference.  It's a package for me.  Awareness and difference making.  It's also a step by step process, because I really have no idea where this is taking me, only that the Spirit has spoken with clarity that I am to follow His lead into this unknown.

This is the first book that has so profoundly disturbed me, that I was more than halfway into it before I truly committed myself to finishing it.  Up until then, with each closing of a chapter, I would question if I should or even could continue. The roads of oppression I "traveled" on were unspeakably difficult for my being to navigate.

Women being horrifically beaten by men who believed it to be "their right"... girls as young as 8 being sold into brothels to be playthings for men... mothers living with the "leprous" medical condition of fistulas as a result of obstructed labor and lack of medical intervention...baby girls being killed at birth simply because they were girls...the brutal practice of female genital mutilation...a culture of shaming, belittling, and controling women, and the list goes on ad infintim. Each and every oppressive story broke into my comfortable, safe world and messed with my mind.  The question begged to be asked.  "Why am I reading this?"  "For what purpose?"  And the answer came back succinctly and simply in the form of a question I'm becoming familiar with--"Are you willing to be disturbed?"

Which is why I continued reading and am now expounding on what I have learned.  Because I am willing to be disturbed, not for the sole sake of being disturbed, but that I might, even in the minutest possible way, be part of the solution these women desparately need.

I found, seemingly hidden behind these dark stories of brutality and pain... hope.  And it always started with one person.  One person willing to get involved.  One person risking it all to help another.  One person giving money to put even a dent in poverty.  I read of the powerful force of education in liberating women, one by one.  One microloan equals one female entrepreneur equals one spouse learning to respect.   Story after redemptive story gripped me.  Courageous, enduring women, slowly emerging from a culture of oppression.   

And I knew that I wanted to be part of the "one".

Better than a Hallelujah (lyrics) Amy Grant

I was driving to an appointment this afternoon and heard this song on the radio.  I've listened to its melody and caught some of the words previously, but today it meant more.

Because I'm looking for more.

The struggle I am wading through is such that I need any touch, any inspiration, even though  it may appear seemingly insignificant to the average person.  I know that this is the "gift" of my pain...that I notice more...that I hear God more easily, because I need Him so desparately.  And so I loved listening to Amy's beautiful, calming voice tell me that what I am bringing to Him...
"is better than a Hallelujah sometimes".  

Therapy

I bought flowers yesterday.  Flowers to me, are synonymous with therapy.  There is just something about walking into a greenhouse filled with lush, vibrant blooms.  I will drop in at various greenhouses throughout the spring and early summer, but I am partial to one....spacious aisles, well cared for blooms, and  a covered santuary so I can peruse no matter what the weather.  Stepping into the wonderland of colors is calming, delightful... inviting.  Most of the time.  It was another difficult afternoon for me yesterday, which made the process of selecting flowers a more stressful task.  But I stuck with it, and managed to purchase most of what I will need to transform the areas around my house into their own havens of loveliness.

In the evening, my spirit had lifted and the process of beginning to plant, became a restful, therapeutic experience.  Placing fresh dirt into containers, trying to remember which flowers I bought for where, :) and then plunging them into the cool, damp earth...ahh...this so refreshed tired places in me.

The kinship of flowers and therapy seems evident to my personal experience.  Both bear a price tag, seemingly steep at the start, but with future benefits.  It's not all clear in the greenhouse, what my creations will look like...yet I know that within a month, my planting will reap gorgeous arrays of colour.  Often when I walk into the office of my therapist, my vision of the future of whatever my struggle is, seems rather opaque.  But in time, clarity becomes a friend, and the calming words of wisdom echoing in my mind, brings colour and new vibrancy to my life.

In the fresh air of this evening, I tirelessly relished the intricacies, textures and gracefulness of my flowers, admiring some of my finished product, giving others a welcome drink after another sun-filled summer-like day. Tomorrow therapy will beckon me once again.  I will eagerly answer the call.