Life According to Seaton

'Many of you probably think I am "just" a baby, but I too remember the "good 'old days" before social distancing.  In case you didn't know, I am a snuggler.  It's my happy place and I have done my fair share since I came into the world.  Allow me to share:

Snuggling with my Great Grandad

My Great Granny singing to me

Oh how I enjoyed snuggles with my Cool Aunt...thanks for the toque too!!!

I got to spend some time in my Great Aunt Chris's arms when she was here:)

My second cousin Rachel seemed pretty happy snuggling me

Oh Grandma Shirley...your snuggles and kisses are the best!!!

My second cousin, Emmy seemed pretty happy to meet me

My great Uncle Graeme made a special trip so he could snuggle me.  I must be pretty important!

Grandad LOVES snuggling me as much as I do!

Nana LOVES snuggling also.  She says I'm adorable:)

Great Gramps was so very happy to meet me!!

Great Nana kept saying how soft I was when she was snuggling me.  She is now with Jesus.  Lots of people miss her but she's in a pretty good place they tell me.

Great Aunt Charmaine got some good snuggles in just before "social distancing"!!

I love spending time with Aunt Jess.  She is here right now from Ecuador because my cousin is going to be arriving at the end of April.  So exciting!!  Uncle Raoul just arrived from Ecuador.  I can't see him right now because he's in this thing called quarantine.

Life has changed alot in the past few weeks.  Here's what I think --

I am just as disappointed as Aunt Ashley--I can't even show my face!!

On the bright side--my Daddy is working from home which makes me very happy (Mommy is happy about that too!!)

Neither my Mommy or Daddy are practicing "social distancing" with me!!!  I love it!!!! 

I gotta tell you though....I was pretty disappointed last week when people went crazy stockpiling.  I've done some good hard thinking about this world I have entered.

 

I was pretty annoyed about the long lines in the grocery store. 

I'm not sure what the big deal was about toilet paper.  Mommy says washcloths work just fine for me!  She told me It's called a washer and dryer.

Oh...I asked Nana to stick the pic in here.  This was also before social distancing. 

Honestly....I think some of you people need to chill out and take a few lessons from me.

Ok well I wasn't chill this day.  When I heard people were stock piling I freaked out.  You see my Dad makes popcorn about every other day.  He loves it!!  I think there truly would have been a crisis in our home if he ran out of popcorn!!!

Mommy is always reassuring me though.  She spends ALOT of time just looking at me and telling me how much she loves me and how cute I am.  I'm pretty happy looking at her too!!!!

 

Whenever life feels like too much Daddy has a great way of calming me down and putting me to sleep

This could go on for how long???  Seriously?????

Gosh...sometimes I just can't handle it all

Thankfully Mommy keeps reminding me she didn't have to stockpile my food.  She tells me she won't run out.  

Apparently Grandad is going through Boston Bruin's withdrawal.  Poor guy.  Nana says he cheers for the wrong team anyway--and I believe Nana!!

Well everyone...this has been pretty fun.  Hope you enjoyed hearing about life from my point of view.  It's pretty simple actually.

Time for another nap

Perspective

The following was shared with me by my daughter-in-law this past weekend.  A timely perspective.


In one way we think a great deal too much of the atomic bomb. “How are we to live in an atomic age?” I am tempted to reply: “Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”
In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented: and quite a high percentage of us were going to die in unpleasant ways. We had, indeed, one very great advantage over our ancestors—anesthetics; but we have that still. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.
This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds.
— “On Living in an Atomic Age” (1948) in Present Concerns: Journalistic Essay

  ****************************************************************************

We are living in a new world and yet this exert, I believe, is a timely reminder of the varying "worlds" of history. 

As a Christ follower I want to remember first and foremost that God is still on the throne.  Nothing that is unfolding has taken Him by surprise.  "Jesus", Hebrews says, "remains the same yesterday, today, yes and forever."  Is this not our security and hope in the midst of unsettled times!!

May our actions reflect protection and not panic, faith and not fear.  May we respond in wisdom and extend grace to those who may walk through these days in ways different than our own.

The New Normal

We are already at the end of the first week of March.  Where does the time go??? 

I sit here hoping to write what feels like jumbled thoughts, not sure if they will make any sense or not.  Life continues to feel compartmentalized.  At least I think that is the word or one of the words to describe what my days unfold as. 

It's not just that I have one "new normal".  In every way, shape and form, there are two. 
On January 5th my life exploded with the incredible joy of my first grandchild.
And on January 30th my life imploded with the death of my stepmom.

Those initial days of shock...both of wonder and sadness are gradually settling.  There continue to be wonder and sadness but the shock is less.  There is a new normal emerging.  But these two worlds feel so far removed from one another.  Nothing feels fluid, but rather each seems boxed in its own time and space and I move from one to the other with the door seemingly closing behind me.

The first two part days of this week I spent with Sonya and Seaton.  Pure bliss.  All life fades away in the presence of this burst of new life.  I am enraptured with his first smiles and coo's.  I am utterly and completely present to his warm body snuggled into my chest, feeling his every movement of fresh and beautiful life.  I am enamored with the countless firsts of these precious days.  Present in a way which is all encompassing.

Thursday I went to my Dad's, to join some sibs in cleaning out the pantry and other various tasks.  This world too is fresh and new and overwhelmed with emotion.  I ache for the grief spilling from my father.  I struggle to comprehend that we are actually "doing this".  That we are in the home he and Mom shared for such a brief time, and in essence "downsizing" it to fit his needs alone.  Here too, everything is a first.  Here too I am wholly and entirely present.

I come home to this more neutral ground and wonder if these two new normal's will ever weave together in a smoother pattern.

And then there's Lent.  This season of sacrifice and reflection and even this feels like it's just been dropped into my life and I'm neither absent from its meaning, nor am I fully engaged.
I only know that I feel unfocused...not fully present.

Three days from now I will drive 30 minutes from my home to a place of retreat.  I took a step of faith last spring when I entered the sacred grounds of a three day silent spiritual retreat.  A year ago it felt intimidating, frightening even, to think of a space of time in complete silence, unplugged from the world around me.  This time, I anticipate and long for these secluded, quiet days, knowing that in these days I will be met by my gracious God in ways which will heal me, teach, challenge, free and silence me. 

I don't know if I will return to my new normal's with them beginning to weave together or not.  Perhaps this too is my new normal for now, this sense of somehow living separate lives. 

I expect at some point it will all flow together.  For now, I will be present in what is.

"This Life They Built" Guest Post

https://ashleyogilvie.com/2020/03/01/this-life-they-built/

"A Time to keep and a time to throw away"

"You remember too much,

my mother told me recently.

Why hold onto all that?

And I said,

Where do I put it down?"

--Anne Carson

"The Glass Essay"

My girl shared these words with me a number of years ago.  She felt they described herself which is true.  But she comes by it honestly because for better and/or worse, I mirror these words.

It's almost three weeks since Mom breathed her last on earth.  The days have been an overwhelming, painful blur...until yesterday.  

Yesterday after lunch I drove to the home of my Spiritual Director, managing to make it through the door to "my chair" before I dissolved in tears.  

"I'm a mess," I cried.  And the turmoil within spilled into that room while she sat quietly, patiently, empathically, listening...holding it all with care.

So much unfolded the last four days of Mom's life.  The last two days I spent chunks of time caring for her.   And yes I remember too much of all the moments, the suffering, the decisions, the circumstances.  I remember her words, my words, the words of others.  I remember it all and I have held on to it all--because--where do I put it down???  

Slowly, gently, courageously, Ingrid began to speak into my "too much".  They were words of validation, truth, challenge, hope and direction.  It was as though the Spirit spoke through her to disarm me, to make space in my mind and spirit to see and understand what I had been unable to.

For the first time I felt like I might survive this...that life is still grace...that there is a path forward...that I finally have a place to "put it all down."

The days ahead will be times of sifting through the moments of Mom's final days...it will be a time to keep and a time to throw away.   And the Spirit will guide the journey.

A Time to Die -- January 30, 2020

"For everything there is a season, 
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born 
     and a time to die...
A time to cry 
     and a time to laugh...
A time to grieve
     and a time to dance...
A time to be quiet 
     and a time to speak...
He has planted eternity in the human heart,
     but even so,
people cannot see the whole scope of God's work
from beginning to end." 
Excerpts from Ecclesiastes 3:1,2a,4,7b

I am doing all of this Mom...it's still so hard to believe you are gone.  I miss you, love you, but so so grateful you are whole and free in every possible way. 

The Wonder of the Small

The following I share with gratitude to Michelle Karr, a hope*writer from Southwestern Ontario.  She speaks with a profound "knowing" of the interweaving of heartache and joy; something I am living in as well. You can follow her writing journey at instagram.com/thewonderofthesmallwhere she shares her reflections on motherhood and the beauty of Christ in the midst of our everyday ordinary.

"Last year at this time we were preparing to learn how to make space for holding both sorrow and joy - a lesson that comes best with life experience, and a lesson we continued to learn throughout the year.  December saw Christmas cards blended in amongst sympathy cards. January finds us holding sympathy cards and grief in one hand...birthday cards and celebration in another.  Before 2019 I think I had a clear divide in my mind of times of sorrow and times of joy - life hadn't yet taught me that at times the two will co-exist.  The soul can make space for both.  Tears can intermingle with laughter.  You don't need to fear or avoid one in favor of the other - they both just simply need to be lived and authentically experienced for what they are.

This week I find myself writing thank you cards for meals, for donations, and for flowers, while also shopping for a birthday meal, birthday decorations and a big "1" candle that will garnish our little girl's first birthday cake.
Yet again we will experience the depths of sorrowful times in the midst of joy, and joy in the midst of sorrow.  We will eat cake and shed tears.  We will reflect on what will never be and celebrate all that is.  And we will remember and thank our great God who is in the midst of it all."

A Time to be born --Seaton Tadeo

Seaton Tadeo

Sunday January 5, 2020 2:18 am  7lb.2oz

Born at Home

I have been hearing for years of the absolute joy of being a grandparent.  The oft repeated quote--"If I had known grandchildren were this much fun I would have had them first!" has not been grasped--until now.  Now--I gaze upon, snuggle, kiss and simply bask in the beauty of this sweet baby boy and I am completely undone and captured by this incredible life-changing experience.  

Seaton's Grandad is completely "taken" by him also and I have enjoyed watching my husband relish moments of time with this fresh-from-God gift.

 

 

   I feast eyes upon this treasure, remembering 27 years ago with my firstborn--Seaton's Daddy and I am so deeply grateful to be part of this new generational story.

How I enjoy watching these two grow into this new family.  Never were there doubts of the wonderful parents they would be, but oh my, how fun and moving it is to see them mother and father their son.  It is equally beautiful  to observe my son care for his wife.  I'm enraptured and grateful for it all.

Seaton Tadeo--

so well prayed over 

 perfectly and divinely created

I watch as you

stretch and squirm and rest tiny hands in all manner of poses

I listen as you

murmur and squeak and cry and sigh and yawn and

make countless facial expressions 

When I am with you my "other" world ceases to exist

When I walk out the door to come home

i miss you already

you are a timely, gracious gift for this Nana's heart 

Gift of God, precious child, miracle, my little one. 

Lay your head on my shoulder. 

It seems that it was yesterday that I held your father in my arms just this way. 

You are a sweet blessing to me, a tiny messenger of joy. 

Welcome to this magnificent life.

May God grace you with all things that are good and shield you from all harm. 

May the bonds of our family be your strength. 

May our love be your comfort. 

May our faith sustain you. 

May God be with you, now and always. 

Amen.  

 Naomi Levy

(Grateful thanks to my cousin Lori for sending me this prayer)

A Time for Everything --2020

I confess I don't even think about making a New Year's Resolution anymore.  It's something I moved away from a number of years ago.  Instead I begin asking God during the week of Christmas if there is a word and verse of scripture that I could take to heart over the coming year.  This year it's phrase-- 

"A time for everything"

It's from a familiar passage in the book of Ecclesiastes. 

1For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

2A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

3A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

4A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

5A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

6A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

7A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

8A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

9What do people really get for all their hard work?  

10I have seen the burden God has placed on us all.

 11Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. 

He has planted eternity in the human heart, 

but even so, 

people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work 

from beginning to end. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 

Even as I write the words--"a time for everything", I wonder how far I would be willing to stretch this phrase?  Do I truly believe there is a time for everything?  EVERYTHING???!!  And if so, what does this mean? 

I sense that there is a wealth of meaning in simply the word "time" and I don't doubt that if I am wide awake to this I will glean much.

But then to add to this that Solomon proposes that there is "a time for everything" ----- this changes everything.  

Verses 1-8 hold many questions for me.  I am unsure of how to read them, believe them, explain them with some of the horror which life holds.  It's easier for me to skip over some of the phrases and chalk it up as a mystery.  The latter part of verse 11 says this in so many words--

"people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."

Ultimately it IS a mystery and cannot be understood by the human heart.  Still, it remains that the title of this chapter is "A time for everything" and it goes on to list many of them.

So I purpose to study and reflect and question and learn and keep turning over and over in my mind and heart this brief portion of God's Word.

For sure I have a faithful Guide.

Christmas--the perfect time

I've heard it often this Christmas season.  I've voiced it countless times myself to others, not only this Christmas but in ones' past. It's this difficult reality that the heartaches of life don't cease just because we are moving through a season of merriment.  And it just all seems so wrong...so untimely that grief and loss and sickness and loneliness still exist.  It all feels so out of place.

I find myself in this unique space these last many weeks.   I thoroughly bask in this season of decorating and card-making,Christmas music, gift buying and this year, I confess I am even watching cheesy Hallmark movies. Yes, it's true.   Often times I find myself enjoying these temporal touches of Christmas and then WHAM!  I'm hit with overwhelming sadness.  We aren't spelling it out in black and white but we all know that this is Mom's last Christmas.   How can there not be this overarching sadness?  Mom is weak and tired and unable to throw herself into Christmas as she once did. It breaks my heart to watch this once vibrant woman fading...
.
So when someone says to me, "I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family this Christmas, I receive it, having that same sense.

And yet...

Could it be any more timely, then at Christmas?  Not the Hallmark version of Christmas, but the Christmas story...the biblical narrative.  Is there ever a time when we need God to be with us more than now??!!

I have so many friends facing pain and loss that the cumulative sadness is sometimes overwhelming.  And it's Christmas... 

Yes!  Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift of Jesus!!  Oh how we need a Savior!  Oh how we need One who truly knows and understands our sorrow!  Oh how we need a refuge in these harsh winds of life!  Oh how we need Jesus to listen to our pain and speak into our confusion and comfort us in our deep sadness...oh how we need Him!

I will still tell you that, "I'm so very sorry that you are moving through heartache this Christmas".  I am deeply saddened that my own family is walking through the "last" of countless things.  But I will also beckon you to embrace, along with me--not the season, but the One who enters into our less than perfect circumstances this Christmas--at the perfect time.

Advent--The Impossible Made Possible

"Mary believed.  She believed the impossible."  

Nancy De Moss Wolgemuth

This is the season where I am always called upon to reflect on Mary.  It was just an ordinary day for her.  She was engaged to be married and perhaps letting her thoughts run away with the excitement and planning of a new life with Joseph.  But I doubt it was anything other than an ordinary day.  Until the angel appeared and asked her to not only believe the impossible but to also receive the impossible.

"The Holy Spirit will come upon you,

and the power of the Most High will overshadow you;

therefore the child to be born will be called holy--

the Son of God...

For nothing will be impossible with God."

Luke 1:35,37

This call to commitment...saying 'Yes' to being the Lord's servant was going to cost her far beyond anything a woman, a fiance, a wife, a mother, could ever imagine.  Mary was a vessel for the "impossible" gift of Jesus.

And so the question ultimately begs to be asked--

What impossible task might God have for me this season?  Is there something He will require of me to believe which will seem impossible?

I think of Mom instantly.  She is faced with what must feel like the impossible task of letting go of this life and embracing the next.  None of us can fully grasp what this means, until we are faced with its reality.  Mom must enter into this question on her own.

For myself, it feels impossible to imagine walking this road as a family.  Impossible in what suffering we may be asked to bear witness to.  Impossible in what it will be like to watch this once vibrant, flamboyant, energetic, creative woman, slowly be betrayed by an army of cancer cells.  Impossible to imagine watching my Dad say goodbye to his second beloved wife.  Impossible to imagine my siblings and I losing Mom--the one who birthed and/or sacrificially loved and mothered each of us throughout our lives.  It seems impossible--yet with God "all things are possible".

I awoke this morning with anticipation for this first Sunday of Advent, anxious to begin these weeks of reflection and longing for the birth of Christ.  I was "expecting" a more peaceful, comfortable beginning to Advent.  Perhaps much like what Mary was expecting on her ordinary day.  I don't know how the coming days will unfold.  How much time Mom has left is unknown; we only know that treatment is finished...her body unable to handle it.  And so we are moving to the next stage...the last stage...hoping Mom can still "live" out her dying peacefully.  But there are no absolutes, no guarantees.  

"Only" a God who does the impossible.  

Sometimes He does this for us 

and sometimes He accomplishes this in us.
He is

our surety
our promise
our hope--

He will always be 

Emmanuel--

God With Us.