I Have Arrived

I have experienced a growing sense of unrest in my spirit this week.  I know why, it's not as though it's some phantom lurking in the recesses of my mind.  In truth, I'm not sure which is worse...to know why I am feeling this increasing uneasiness, or to be searching for the reason behind it.

Because I really don't want "it" here.  This awareness of a place in my heart that needs to grow is hard for me to face.  I've been here before, and I don't like it.  It's going to involve struggle, soul-searching, exposing my vulnerability. Honestly, I've been tempted to turn and high tail it out of here.  I'm just tired.  Tired of yet another piece of me that is damaged, defective, sinful.  I'm tired of never seeming to "pull it all together".

I sat alone in the pew at church this morning.  Alone with God.  I closed my eyes to talk with Him, and to send a message to anyone nearby..."please don't talk with me now."  The service had not yet started, but my my heart was so ready to hear His voice.  I needed for Him to talk with me, to somehow calm the building turmoil within.

I find it so beautiful how God just swoops in so quickly, yet so quietly.  Conversation and movement all around me, but within me, His Spirit has just penetrated the churning mass of thoughts.  He did so by reminding me of some poignant words from my Spiritual Director.  She had  spoken them to me several months ago, during a conversation in which I had expressed my angst over always having some area of my heart needing reconstruction.  I had lamented to her, "I feel like I will never arrive."  Her response caught my heart.

"I think of arriving as being in relationship with Jesus."

And in the pew this morning, the Spirit brought  those words right back.  I have arrived!!!  Oh maybe not from a human perspective, but from a spiritual perspective...from Jesus' perspective...I have arrived.  There is nothing I can add to my relationship with Him.  Colossians 2:10 breathes these life-giving words...."In Him you have been made complete."  And in John 8:36 Jesus Himself offers this promise..."If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed."

I don't know what lies ahead of me.  I don't know what tearing down and rebuilding will be required.  I don't know how long the process will take or what will be required of me to cooperate with Him.  But I do know, that being in relationship with Jesus, means that I am complete.  I do know that regardless of this restlessness of spirit, I am free, in the deepest sense possible.  And I do know that despite journeying down yet another road, towards Christ-likeness... in the purest, fullest, wildest way possible, "I have arrived."