Grace for Today

I remember those early days of her life, waking in the night to feed her.  She would invariably fall asleep and I would go about the task of trying to wake my Sweet Pea.  I would tickle her feet for starters but often resorted to undressing her down to her diaper.  The lack of warmth would soon find her eyes opening ready to drink a little more.  She was completely dependent on me.  I relished in the gift I had been given of nurturing and caring and loving this brand new person.

These are days of remembering.  My Sweet Pea turned 20 on Monday.  She's become a beautiful, young, increasingly independent young woman.  So much so that in less than two months, we will fly her across the country to begin her 3rd year in a new university.  And though the future is completely unknown, I have no expectations of her returning "home" to live.  I expect that she will make her own life and home in this new part of our country.  A big part of me even believes that she needs this.

It's been a long time since I was her sole nurturer.  It's been gradual, her growing independence and my letting go.  She hasn't even lived at home for the past two years.  And yet this gigantic move is another letting go, another opening of my arms to bless her and yes, to grow in excitement with her for this fresh horizon.

Did you hear that?  I AM growing in excitement with her.  She can hardly wait to get on that plane!!!  I have never seen her more confident and calm about a decision; and this one is life-changing!!  I am so very happy for her and the generous ways God is bringing this all to fruition.  But this doesn't mean there isn't a place of mourning in my heart.  This is my baby girl!!!   I shared with a friend recently of my roller-coaster emotions and she responded with the most beautiful, gentle, godly wisdom.

"Ah yes...Letting go...One moment we are training and preparing our children for all their lives, then we realize that we forgot to prepare our own hearts for this moment!  The best I can tell you is, the circumstances will change, but she will always be your little girl and you will always be her mama and you will never stop relating to each other in that way.  In a sense, it is somewhat like my cancer journey...I cannot see what lies ahead, nor do I have the grace now for what lies in future days, but God does give me the grace for today and this is the day in which I need and want to live.  I will ask God to give you today's grace and to enable you to live fully in each day He gives you, trusting that He will give you the grace for those days that lie ahead exactly when you need it."

Sigh.

I love her words for so many reasons.  First, they are heartfelt in that all three of her children live across the country.  She's seasoned in this.  Second, her cancer journey makes her words so powerful...this was no glib response.  And third, she has pointed me to God--El Shaddai--the All Sufficient One who pours forth nourishment--who provides moment by moment daily need.

Ecclesiastes speaks of "a time for everything".  I suppose my love for this passage stems from the ways in which I feel life's seasons so deeply.  Solomon's words allow me the freedom to speak of that which my heart is experiencing. 

God's grace for today.

God's grace for all the tomorrows.

A restful place.