To Be Called By God

I've always loved those verses, the ones introducing  the author of a particular biblical book.  They begin with such strength ..."Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God."  I hear such power in those words and I try to imagine how very empowering this knowledge must have been.  For Paul,to know that his calling was God's will must have given him such a rock solid faith in his ministry. 

I say that I try to imagine being resolute in God's calling, and yet,I don't just imagine it, I do know this for myself.  It may not be recorded as Paul's is, but I have journals that would just as emphatically express it.

I clearly remember the first time God called me.  It was over 20 years ago, and someone had suggested that I consider funeral service as a career.  There were aspects of this field that were clearly in line with my heart.  I deeply cared about hurting people, and there would never be a shortage of pain in this profession.  But preparing the deceased for public viewing and funerals??!!  It seemed preposterous.  I was known to be a squeamish person!!!  But yet God very clearly and intimately made it known to me that He was calling me  for such a ministry.  And despite the hurdles and fears and the heaviness of such a ministry, I said "yes"...so powerful was His calling on my life.

Recently, God has brought me to a turning point in my life...placed a calling on me that is also marked with hurdles...fears and a heaviness.  And in and of myself, without the empowering strength of God, it is even more absurd... a"what-on-earth-are-you-thinking-kind-of" crazy calling.  God has called me to lead a small group of women in going deeper in their relationship with Christ.  Why so crazy?


 Eight years ago, I took a leave of absence from formal ministry.  I had intended on returning within 2 months.  But the depression I was battling was not about to leave without a fight.  It was three years before I would actually feel like life was maybe worth living again.  And although I have vastly improved and enjoy a quality of life I never thought possible, I am still never stable long enough to even consider committing to any level of formal ministry.

Or so I thought. 

But it seems God has other plans...plans that His strength would encompass my weakness and somehow, in His "out-of-this-world" way, He would pull this off.

There was really no point in arguing...His calling was intensely and intimately and unbelievably orchestrated. I was in awe of how God spoke to me...it was breathtaking. This song sent shivers through my entire being as I surrendered to His calling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN1MvK7Y-iY

Sometimes Your calling, comes in a dream
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Chorus
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Chorus

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of  Your plan
Here I am.
--"Downhere"

I am on a walk of faith with an incredible God.

"Juanita, a servant of Jesus Christ, by the will of God..."