A Gift of Love

I have received countless gifts throughout my life.  Some gifts are in the realm of practical, yet still very much appreciated.  Others were given for my pure enjoyment.  Tangible, intangible...flashy, simple...unique, traditional.  I'm sure it would be quite a humbling experience to seek to recall all that has been bestowed upon me.

The other evening, my hubby and I, along with our two teenagers enjoyed a belated birthday celebration(for me) in my parents's home.  My stepmom is a gourmet cook, and so a meal is always a feast.  We were not disappointed.  This in itself is always a gift; I have an evening off from meal preparation, and am able to, yes, indulge in every tasty morsel set before me.  But I did know there was a birthday gift waiting for me, and I, like I think every other human being...love unwrapping gifts.  And so after we were all thoroughly satisfied, we moved to the livingroom to continue our visit...and "do" the birthday thing.  What fun!  Some lovely country placemats which have already been put to good use.  And, a Christmas star...yes country as well, with flickering lights.  How cool is that!!! 

I sat there with "Juanita" gifts on my lap, feeling thankful and blessed.  And then without warning it was sitting beside me.  Another gift, placed quietly beside me by my stepmom.  I looked at her and my Dad with a, "What's this?", inquiry.  I was told it was something "special".  Opening the top of the container revealed a banner of lace placed across a covering of turquoise tissue paper.  I began to gently remove the lace, opening one side of the tissue. 'Neath the tissue was more lace...beautiful lace.   My mind was still mystified...until I folded back the remaining tissue...and suddenly I knew.   My children tell me my face was "priceless". For me, it was one of those earth-standing-still-moments, as I gently touched  my mother's wedding dress.  A thousand thoughts and emotions pressed in on me;  I felt frozen...suspended in time, until I heard my father say, "It's okay, you can cry."

And I wept.  Deep, cleansing, freeing... weeping, while my stepmom stood beside me with her arm wrapped around my shoulder.

My mother's tragic death, several months after my fifth birthday, left me with an ocean of grief.   It was to remain a hidden calm within my spirit until my adult years, when the tides of sorrow came rushing in, threatening to overwhelm me.  The journey of grief work has been long, arduous, painful... with never a feeling of completion. Still, I am grateful for each healing balm which eases the loss yet a little more.

And now I find myself with her wedding dress in my home. I am still empty of words, adequate to convey my deep gratitude.  The initiative of my parents to plan and bestow this gift of love on me, has felt like yet another healing balm to cover me.  It is truly something I cherish.  The dress, with confetti still visible in the lace and satin bodice, now gracefully adorns a special place in my home.  I'm not sure if all that is unspoken within me will ever be fully expressed; for now, I am content to be awed at such a gift of love.

  "If you haven't already, you will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and you never completely get over the loss of a deeply beloved person, But this is also good news.  The person lives forever, in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up.  And you come through, and you learn to dance with the banged-up heart."
--Anne Lamott
"Plan B"