"Touching the Shadow"

I devoured this book, "Touching the Shadow" in about 3 days.  In it, Bruce Nygren, shares a unique journey.  He and his wife, Racinda, live a rocky marriage to begin with, and are then blindsided by her breast cancer.  At a time when stresses are seemingly at the highest level, their relationship begins to slowly be renewed.  It is truly a beautiful story of a husband purposefully, tenderly loving his wife in ways he probably never has-- through this ugly disease.

I am remembering some of my own journey through another ugly disease...clinical depression.  Gratefully, my husband and I enjoyed a very strong, rich marriage, before the darkness descended.  But the stresses still hit us full force.  And this is where I am still in awe.

My husband was "God-with-skin-on" to me.  He truly was.  I've never been able to fully grasp his care for me, his unrelenting, patient, loving, compassion.  Do you know that I never heard a word of complaint cross his lips.  Not a hint of frustration or annoyance.  Not a moment of anger or disappointment with me, or our life circumstance.  In that initial 1 1/2 years of seemingly daily crisis, followed by another 1 1/2 of slowly recovering, he was beyond human.  Some days I would ask him why.

"Why aren't you sick of me...of this?"  (I sure was!!!)  And his reply would always be the same..."because I love you and I don't have any expectations."  He didn't have a date set in his mind when I would be well.  He wasn't counting on the next medication or doctor to have the answer.  Whether I got better or not, he promised he would always stay with me.  During a time when I feared that my friends and family...even my husband, would one day tire of this hell I was in, and leave me, his constant assurances were so beautiful.

Yes, I know how blessed I was...I am.  I am living a much fuller life than five years ago, but he still graciously loves and serves me in the not-so-joyous days.  His faithful commitment to me is a humbling gift.

"Brian...I am indebted to you for your selfless love...
in days past, and still today.
Unspeakably grateful...
I love you
Juanita"