There but by the grace of God, go I

I went to visit a friend yesterday.  It's not as simple as just picking up the phone to arrange a time.  There's a process to follow, restrictions to enter into, an environment to submit to.  I always find myself a little uptight, nervous, prior to our visit.  And there's this nebulous weight which descends upon me...not overwhelming...just there, reminding me that this is not a casual conversation over a cup of tea.

My friend is serving time in a correctional facility.  Even writing those words is a stretch for me.  Still unbelievable, actually.  Despite the time that has lapsed since this all unfolded, there's still so much to digest.  Still a thousand questions without answers.  Still emotions and thoughts and confusion that confront my psyche.

But he's my friend, and there but by the grace of God, go I.

It's the latter part of that sentence that stops me in my tracks..."there but by the grace of God go I".  It's one of the things that grabbed me in the beginnings of all of this.  My own weakness, fallenness...propensity to sin.  Not something any of us like to face.  I mean, I would love if the person I portrayed, was always the person who lives inside of me.  But those two people are not always one in the same.  Sometimes, when I look deep down inside, and see what I am capable of...for evil...it haunts me.  There was a prophet Jeremiah, in the Old Testament of the Bible who recounts what God says about my heart...and yours:  "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?"  Jeremiah 17:9  I read those words and I know two things:  My heart is not pure, and I am not alone.   

I'm not above going down the wrong path.   That reality sobers, humbles and terrifies me.  It  keeps me seeking hard after God, asking Him to plumb the depths of my heart for that which is not right or good.  It compels me to  surround myself with people who can provide direction, counsel, and accountability.

And it keeps me visiting my friend.  And if that sounds too simple, you're right.  The layers and ramifications of all of "this" is immeasureable.  I'm not ignoring or avoiding it.  But today it's not part of what I believe God has called me to be...a friend... walking a journey with another friend, one step at a time.