A "Shield" of Suffering

Many of us have some aspect of our lives which keeps us on our knees.  If at present, this is not part of your story, one day it will.  It comes with living in a fallen world.  I don't like it.  You don't have to like it.  But it doesn't change the reality.

I am rereading Timothy Keller's book on "Prayer--Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God."  There's a two-fold reason for re-entering its pages--

It's simply that rich

I long to grow in prayer

The story is told of Anicia Faltonia Proba who lived during the time of Augustine.  Anicia had the honor of knowing him personally.  He wrote two letters to her and one was written entirely on prayer.  Timothy shares this--

"Anicia Proba was a widow by her early thirties and was present when Rome was sacked in 410.  She had to flee for her life to Africa with her granddaughter Demetrias, where they met Augustine.  Her former life had been upended, and from what we know about her from the historical record, she never again enjoyed the secure life she had previously known.  Augustine, however, argues not only that we can grow in prayer in spite of these difficulties but because of them.  He concludes the letter by asking his friend, 'Now what makes this work (of prayer) specially suitable to widows but their bereaved and desolate condition?'  Should a widow not, he asked, 'commit her widowhood, so to speak, to her God as her shield in continual and most fervent prayer?'  What a remarkable statement.  Her sufferings were her 'shield'--they defended her from the illusions of self-sufficiency and blindness that harden the heart, and they opened the way for the rich, passionate prayer life that could bring peace in any circumstance.  He calls her to embrace her situation and learn to pray."

My sufferings a shield?

Your sufferings a shield?

Note that nothing is being said to infer that God causes our pain or wants us to bear pain.  Even Christ on the cross begged the Father for another way!!  However, for Anicia, and countless others, hardship came into her life and in various ways continued to plague her.  Augustine encouraged her to view this life of difficulty and sorrow as a "shield".

I think of my own life and its dips and turns and hills and valleys of my mental and emotional health.  I've ranged anywhere from cursing the darkness to believing the dark yields gifts of grace.
I have ever been aware that that the darkest night will bring me to my knees in ways that the light of day never can.

So while reflecting on my own edges of suffering as a shield of defense is not a new concept, it is a fresh and inspiring "hand on my shoulder".  And I always welcome this.

Let me be honest--I don't like pain and suffering.  I love the sunshine and rose of life.  I enjoy and desire ease and happiness as much as anyone else.

But.

If hardship brings me to the end of myself...

If it makes me abandon any illusions of self-sufficiency...

If it reminds me that I am merely a vapor of humanity in a redemption story beyond my comprehension...

Then I will humbly open shaky hands and claim suffering as a "shield" of defense.

Because I love my Lord.