The Still Life

It was a mere three weeks ago that I left for my Silent Retreat.  For three days I was without connection to the outside world and free from conversation.  This being my second time in such an environment I knew what to expect and how sacred it would be.  I was not disappointed.  The Trinity was ever faithful in directing my heart and leading me through times of relinquishment, confession, forgiveness and healing.  My days were life-giving, freeing and hope-filled.  The life of contemplation draws me so.  It fills me, renews and silences the many voices vying for my attention.  I left filled and hungry to remain so.  

I can only describe it as "other-worldly" to return home to a changed world!  My husband, in listing all that had unfolded finally stopped and said, "Honey, the world changed while you were gone."  It was such a bizarre re entry for which to wrap my head around.

In the days since, life proceeds to change almost daily.  There are new laws and directives and states of emergency being implemented on a regular basis.  It's dizzying to try and keep up to date.  Though the first few days of this new normal were overwhelming, for the most part, my days are calm.

"The world has finally slowed to my pace."

This is what I tell most people who ask me how I am doing.  This slow, quiet life is my "happy" place.  Here I am most content, relaxed, at peace--an indication of how challenging life is for me otherwise.  When I do experience anxiety it comes from watching/listening/reading too many updates, having to make painful decisions such as isolating from those I love and long to support, or feeling the weight of a suffering world.   This is heart wrenching at times.  

And yet overall, the quiet life prevails.  A part of what I experienced during the days of my Silent Retreat, I am able to live now.   I see it as an immeasurable gift.  Because I know that our world is suffering. The collective suffering of our planet in terms of loss of life and health and income is overwhelming.  Our health care workers and other heroes, working exhausted in anxiety-producing environments is beyond comprehension.  Many are struggling with the loss of their extroverted world, being plunged into an introverted world in which they have no idea how to navigate.  I know that many are not finding their new world to be a "happy place".

So I am choosing to steward this incredible gift of a quiet life and pray on behalf of those living in a nightmare.  I am seeking to encourage people with threads of hope, bless others with splashes of surprise, and stay focused on the One who holds this world in His hands.  Because He does.