Remembering

The following was penned on April 13, 1997

In Time

Days, weeks, months, and years have passed since

that day you were so quickly snatched from my little life

For so many, you are only a memory, the pain has subsided and life has gone on.

But for me, I feel the agony of your loss

for the first time

and my life has come to a screeching halt.

You, my mother, just died

and what I could not do as a child

I do as a grown woman…I mourn your death.

Oh, to have you hold me as a child in your arms

to feel the security a mother’s touch brings

How I long to hear you call my name

to enjoy the sound of your laughter filling a room

What I wouldn’t give to have you hold the children

I have birthed and to soak in the delight they give.

And my husband…do you know Mom, that I have a man who loves me

with a love so close to the Perfect One’s love,

it takes my breath away.

Friends…precious friends I would love you to meet,

my list could go on…

of people and places and happenings I wish I could

share with you

but it wouldn’t add or take away

from the ache of not having you here

You are gone from this life

And I like all the others must move on

But not today

Today I will once again gaze intently on pictures of you

hoping to catch a glimpse of life

I will weep and think of you throughout my day

hoping that just maybe, today

will be the day you walk through my door

And I will work through this thing called “grief work”

not because I want to, but because I have to

And then one day

In time

I too will be content

with memories of you

forever impressioned on my heart.

Juanita

April 13, 1997

It's hard to believe I wrote those words 22 years ago.  I could not imagine the healing that would come...in time.  Today marks 49 years since my mother was taken from my life.  While still a shadow of sadness--there will always be this shadow-- there is no longer the anguished empty longing of yesteryear.  Jesus has been so very present and faithful and abundantly good to me.  The expansive view of eternity is not for me to see.  I only trust that this mystery is in His wise safekeeping.

"Remembering you today Mom, with love"