"We know how much God loves us,
and we have put our trust in his love."
--1 John 4:16
The last number of years I have moved away from making resolutions for the upcoming year and towards finding a word that I believe God would desire that I emulate in the coming days.
The latter part of 2017 seemed full of crisis and suffering in the lives of some that I love. I struggled to make sense of much that was unfolding. My spirit was filled with empty answers to all of the "why's". In the latter days of this past year the Spirit of God called me to a new place; a place of trust. I have never been able to dwell in this place for very long. I am so quickly driven off course by the ever changing circumstances of life. I don't like this about myself. I long for a deeper abiding faith; one which is not tossed around by what I or others are faced with.
The latter part of 2017 seemed full of crisis and suffering in the lives of some that I love. I struggled to make sense of much that was unfolding. My spirit was filled with empty answers to all of the "why's". In the latter days of this past year the Spirit of God called me to a new place; a place of trust. I have never been able to dwell in this place for very long. I am so quickly driven off course by the ever changing circumstances of life. I don't like this about myself. I long for a deeper abiding faith; one which is not tossed around by what I or others are faced with.
When I read the above verse just days ago I knew immediately that trust was my word for the coming year and that this verse encapsulated the basis of such trust. I paused to ask the question the verse was begging--"Do I trust His love?" This truly is the crux of the matter for me. Do I know how much God loves me and do I then trust in this love? Because if I am unsure of His love, if there is any question in my mind of the vastness of His love, I will then find my trust weakened to this degree.
I know the answer to the question.
I only trust His love to the degree that I can humanly measure it. In other words, when God acts in a way that I feel is unloving, my trust disintegrates and I begin to doubt and question and fight against Him. It's completely unfair to God. God is not the problem here but rather this god I worship called "control" is. When life feels out of control, mine or otherwise, I move towards fear and away from trust. I grasp to regain this pseudo control I think I have.
The last few months have found my spirit tired of the yoyo trust/fear cycle. It's exhausting, discouraging and such a waste of my energy. My heart's desire is to move into the coming year growing in trust. And growing this deeper trust will only come through having His love be the bedrock of my faith. If I truly believe that God loves me like crazy, that He is not holding out on me, then I will be free to trust Him and rest in His ways despite the hard that might unfold.
Last winter I spent every other Wednesday with a group of women, pouring over the scriptures together. One line has remained engraved on my mind and was later creatively drawn on wood by my niece. "Think well enough of Jesus to trust Him", challenges Dallas Willard. These words hang in my hallway as a constant reminder of the growing that lies ahead of me.
The hard of the last few months will carry over into this new year. I am already feeling the heaviness. The life circumstances my friends are facing did not magically disappear as the calendar page turned. What lies ahead for me personally is unknown. But God still is. He is my only place of stability, my only constant. He will guide me into deeper places of trust as I invite Him into the coming days.
I only trust His love to the degree that I can humanly measure it. In other words, when God acts in a way that I feel is unloving, my trust disintegrates and I begin to doubt and question and fight against Him. It's completely unfair to God. God is not the problem here but rather this god I worship called "control" is. When life feels out of control, mine or otherwise, I move towards fear and away from trust. I grasp to regain this pseudo control I think I have.
The last few months have found my spirit tired of the yoyo trust/fear cycle. It's exhausting, discouraging and such a waste of my energy. My heart's desire is to move into the coming year growing in trust. And growing this deeper trust will only come through having His love be the bedrock of my faith. If I truly believe that God loves me like crazy, that He is not holding out on me, then I will be free to trust Him and rest in His ways despite the hard that might unfold.
Last winter I spent every other Wednesday with a group of women, pouring over the scriptures together. One line has remained engraved on my mind and was later creatively drawn on wood by my niece. "Think well enough of Jesus to trust Him", challenges Dallas Willard. These words hang in my hallway as a constant reminder of the growing that lies ahead of me.
The hard of the last few months will carry over into this new year. I am already feeling the heaviness. The life circumstances my friends are facing did not magically disappear as the calendar page turned. What lies ahead for me personally is unknown. But God still is. He is my only place of stability, my only constant. He will guide me into deeper places of trust as I invite Him into the coming days.
No comments:
Post a Comment