Extravagant Lent

My thoughts continue to remain on the edge of this awkward Lenten season.  I recognize that I have been avoiding entering into the fullness of what this all means for me.  As though avoidance can somehow make it less real.  This morning I penned some of what I am sharing here in an effort to embrace what for me has become "Extravagant" Lent. 

I admit to a level of disappointment in the space I have given to reflection this season and what feels like inconsistent observance of the fast God called me to a little less than 40 days ago.  The move from our house to a condo has been a disruption of grandiose proportions for sure but perhaps has also been my excuse for my lack of full participation in Lent.  Add to this a strange, awkward and very powerful gift of extravagance which I find in our new home.  Lent began with me dismantling and packing up our home of 23 1/2 years but then smack dab in the middle of what is supposed to be a season of self denial and sacrifice, I found myself plucked from living our of boxes to settling into extravagance.  My mantra has become, "I can't believe we get to live here!!"

I am at a loss as to know what do with Lent and extravagance.  These two words seem polar opposite to one another. I flit from humbly basking in this gift beyond belief, to harboring guilt at having been given this incredible privilege. The nagging question, "Why do I get to enjoy this new gift of a home when so many have so much less?" pervades. 

But why can't I allow such extravagance to point me to Him and move me to worship the One who gave such extravagant love??!!  He gave freely, abundantly...literally He gave Himself.  Without strings attached.  It wasn't about me or anyone of us deserving or measuring up or achieving a standard--which leaves me empty in my receiving. An emptiness I am always trying to fill.  I have great difficulty receiving pure gift.  Everything in me wants to compensate in some way.  Yet I'm unable to earn or be worthy of His sacrifice for me. This only adds to the extravagance of the gift of His life that I may have life.

These past 12 days of Extravagant Lent have been, ultimately, moving me towards the Extravagance of Good Friday and Celebration of Easter Sunday.  How am I to respond to this awkward Lenten season? 

Embrace fully.
Give thanks freely.
Receive in humility.
Be wholly still in the mystery of it all.